Hard Time Generation from 60 minutes

Dearest ML,

I have decided to write one more post before signing off. Last night I watched the 60 minutes. The segment on "Hard Time Generation" is just so touching.

It is hard to imagine some kids are having such a difficult times, yet they never give up.

It is hard to imagine why it is so difficult to find a job in the States.

It is hard to imagine what if there is only one orange left in the cooler but nothing more, and yet you call the shelter house and they are all full.

I have been extremely lucky. I think my friends are also lucky too. One is currently traveling around the world with her fiance. We are really blessed. Story like this always remind myself to be humble and not to forget those who are currently misfortunate and experiencing a rough time.

Strive for the best, and offer what we may do in return to help others.


k  xoxo

RIP Marina Keegan

Dearest ML,

M sent me this story, maybe you read it already on Marina Keegan who was a Yale Graduate and died from car accident last Saturday. She was 22.

I kept reading her last post she wrote in Yale Daily News, I cannot help and think how come such a talented and sensitive girl, full of ambition just gone like a wind? How ironic when she wrote "we are so young, we are so young" yet she was the one to first pass away?! 

Nothing is fair in this world.


Let's make something happen in this world.

In a sleepless night like this, I cannot help and figure what exactly I can do to make a difference in the world? To influence people? To motivate my friends? To have a successful career (and then what?) I feel like I am no different from a fresh graduate. The only difference is I am not so young anymore. I had my graduation moment, and I never look back. I am someone with history, and someone who always think about where I am heading to, what destiny will bring to me.

Take one step at a time, and try my best. This is what I will do.

Seize the day. Seize the moment.

RIP Marina, I do not know you, but I feel like you were someone talented and inspirational to a lot of people. 



k  xoxo

Faint memories of our ex

Dearest ML,

We are have faint memories on our ex, regardless how much we would like to forget about him. Here is one, related to B when I received the email from Jo on tips to prepare for dragon boating:

Seagods, a few tips for the next 24 hours until Stanley warm up races:

• make sure you are fully hydrated - keep a bottle of water with you and sip throughout the day on Friday.  A number of people have mentioned that they were thirsty at Deep Water Bay and next day (and they didn't think it was just a hangover!)  A 1% drop in hydration can impact performance by up to 10% so we need to make sure we are fully hydrated as we go into race day and throughout the day.  Bring plenty of water and (as they say in the army) you should be weeing "clear and often"
• rest and have an early night on Friday.  Minimise alcohol in order to avoid dehydration (there will be plenty of beers on Saturday night!)
• eat balanced meals on Friday with carbohydrate and protein (lean white meat is best as red meat is hard to digest)
• get a good night's sleep on Friday
• eat a good breakfast ideally with carbohydrate and protein eg egg on toast, porridge and banana, beans on toast, fruit and yoghurt
• bring sports drinks, gels, bars, bananas to eat between races
• caffeine can also be useful between races (and in the afternoon) to give an extra kick
• caffeinated sports gels can be taken approx 15 mins before the race

Every little helps in races that are won and lost in sceonds.

See you bright and early on Saturday for another great day of racing!

  

See the point "avoid red meat"... it struck the chord when I remember we had a big meal of red meat (premium beef to be exact) before the Around the Hong Kong Island Race, THE outrigging race of the year as we thought this may give us a bit more strength. I personally felt horrible on the next day... 

 

Honestly I do not want to think about this (or anything related to B) but it just came out of nowhere. If I feel sad or angry at myself for still thinking about this (or anything related to him), maybe it is a good time to turn around and see the whole incident as a joke, something we did go through together and nothing will change this fact. 

 

Having said that it leads to the next point: embrace the faint memories we still have with our ex for this is what makes us who we are now. Have gratitude for him making who we are now. I may have too many yoga lessons these days but there is one thing called Karma. When we can accept our past without any hard feeling then we can let it go completely and focus on what lies in front of us.

 

k  xoxo 

 

 

 

 

 

Asking Questions

Dearest ML,

Yesterday I had a great dinner catch up with my friend E. We are ex-colleagues, and I haven't met her for 6 months after my resignation. It is funny it turned out I am... 10+ years older than her, feel like REALLY old now :0)

Anyway, she shared with me with her problems at work and in relationship & her friend's problems. Her friend (someone I do not know) spent a night with her current colleague after being "drunk" (no sex) and felt terrible as she has a stable loving boyfriend. So E was supposed to be there for her to comfort her etc...

Then I realized when we were young, we just do not know how we feel. All we can say is "I am confused, I do not know what to do".  But if we keep asking questions, this will actually help in clearing out the thoughts.

Some questions I suggested E to ask her friend is -

- For her boyfriend: why did she feel this bad? what is her plan - be with him or dump him or ?
- For her colleague: why she did it - because she want something adventurous or she also likes him? what is her next plan?

Etc....

The fact is everything can be broken down into questions, and it is important to take time to ask ourselves questions, and reflect.

Coincidentally my favorite blogger Tom Basson posted a similar post but on daily life (look at him, he is just SO hot). He wrote everyday he asked himself below questions -

• How did the day go? What success did I experience? What challenges?
• What did I learn today? About myself? About others? What do I plan to do differently, or the same, tomorrow?
• Who did I interact with? Anyone I need to update? Thank? Apologize? Ask a question? Share feedback?

I totally agree with him, it is important that we take time to ask questions, reflect ourselves in order to clarify thoughts, learn and grow.

Ultimately everyday is a growing process.

Thank you Tom, and luv ya :)

E, I want to emphasize this again: when I was at your age, I was just like you, or even dumber (not a potato but sweet potato LOL). So do not be shy, learn and grow everyday :)


k  xoxo
 

Cafe Kai Xin Guo

Dearest ML, 

Finally with feet back to Hong Kong and time on the blog. Read newspaper on the flight about Cafe Kai Xin Guo which is cafe on Chinese Tea opened and operated by a 35 years old Japanese. It was an inspiring interview in which he is a Japanese in love with the Chinese language and culture. So he wanna do something that can promote the cultural exchange between Chinese and Japanese and decided to study Chinese as his second language when in university.

Upon graduation, he spent some time to figure out what he wants to do, and decided to write down his qualities one by one (say outgoing, like to talk to people, in love with Chinese culture etc...), about 100 of them and then consolidated... and created this cafe in Shanghai that literally fits in his interests and what he is passionate about.

Then I realized - hey we can do a similar exercise like this. Stop complaining about the (damn) work as we can all participate to create our own work, regardless it is part-time or full time.

Life is only beautiful when we have a dream and passion and try our best to implement our goals.

Going to Whistler is actually one of my dreams. I am so happy that I have made it. Every year I try to travel to one place that I really wanna go. So right now it is time to recuperate, focus on my income stream and... work out my next destination list!


k  xoxo

Work

Dearest ML,

A stupid question to ask - do you think we really have to "work"? Work meaning to have a job and get a pay check, despite you may face ridiculous and unreasonable boss, despite you may not learn anything new from the routine job.

My parents thought I need to work. To me work is more like generating income and ideally accumulate wealth. If I can generate sufficient income to support my daily expenses and assuming this is something that I enjoy doing, do you think we still need to work?

And life is not exactly about "money" or "wealth". We can be poor but do something we truly enjoy or bring meaning to others. If so, what's the point of "work"?

I do not foresee going back to the corporate world for the time being. I enjoy my freedom, I enjoy taking risks, I enjoy doing something that bring benefits back to the community. And honestly my family is not under any financial pressure, I do not understand why they insist I need to "work". 

Your view please?


k  xoxo

Making Decision

Dearest ML,

Everyday we make endless decisions. I guess one of the keys is to make a decision after evaluating realistic facts.

Echoing my previous blog post, if there is no hope in finding love in a hopeless place, why not go somewhere else? The world is not hopeless. Hong Kong is hopeless in that aspect only doesn't mean the rest of the world is like that.

And right now I am in the junction of what to do with my life. I have a lot of ideas yet I am not sure if any of them will work out. But I think the key is it really does not matter. Life is a journey. Assuming the destination for everyone is the same (I mean death - not heaven or hell) then what matters most is the journey itself.

We can all take lead to steer how our life to be, and you pointed it out exactly. So, yes I will spend some time on the Tibet trip and evaluate possibilities. I think it will be awesome.


k  xoxo

New Year's Resolution

Dearest ML,

2011 flew by so quickly! With new year approaching very shortly, I am not sure if you have the habit of having new year's resolution at the very beginning of the year, on what you'd hope to achieve / accomplish?

I do, and every year I am amazed how quickly time flew by. But we all know what happens to the new year's resolutions in the end, very few or none of them will be achieved.

So what is the point of making new year's resolution, in figuring out & prioritizing what you want to have / achieve in the coming year?

I read an article on this today, well not exactly on new year's resolution but on figuring out your wants. Simply put, it is a process in sorting out the chaotic mind, and to see if what you want is something under your control. If so, go for it. If not, you know you have nothing to do about it.

It is also on the process in realizing how bad shape you are in now, and to act to change on it.

Process is far more important than the outcome.

So probably I will spend some time in drafting out my "new year's resolution" for 2012. It is never too late or too stupid for this.


k  xoxo

The end of life journey

Dearest ML,

A friend of mine is approaching the end of her life journey. I just visited her today and she looks very fragile and tired. I am concerned that she will never be able to wake up from sleep.

Luckily she is not in much pain but it doesn't make me feel any better. It is emotional draining. I cannot imagine if this happen to any of my close family members.

Death can be just so close to any one of us.

Occasions like this make me re-think again - what is the purpose of life? What am I going to achieve - have a successful career? Make money? To make a lot of friends? To experience? Or simply to stay happy and have no regrets in life?

In approaching Christmas time it is supposed to be joyous, and shopping and eating... but this year, I'd rather to take this chance to have another reflection on myself.

The end of life journey may actually happen at any time.


k   xoxo

On Forgiveness

Dearest ML,

Thanks for another meaningful blog post on forgiveness.

There is a line you wrote - "you are also forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to be vulnerable or making an error in judgment."

Interestingly, M also always talks to me about being vulnerable in a relationship.

To be honest, I am actually pretty "zen" in quite a lot of areas. I always believe things happen for a reason, literally everything. So even for B, how I see is "if it is not because of his breakup, I would not have started any relationship with M".

However even so, it does not justify what he did to me. Having said that, even if he did apologize, it does not change anything on what happened.

So does "forgiveness" help? I do not mean to be harsh on myself, or him - I wrote once I don't hate people, it wastes time and energy and counter-productive. If there is something I cannot get over with, then I still cannot get it over. Does it mean I still spend a lot of time on past issues? No.

Life is short, time is precious. Assuming I cannot forgive, it may be better to "forget" instead.

It does not mean I hate him or myself or anyone. I think nobody can make a wise decision in the area of love. It is always gonna be a bet, a gambling, and trial and error. Love is blind, and it is true. And will there be any A hole who will admit himself to be an A hole to you at the time of dating? I'm afraid not.

We can only know on hindsight.

So you are right, lesson learned. Anything can happen in relationship. Enjoy the happy times whenever possible, as these are the good memories to make you go through the difficult times. Once if you ever get hurt, do what a smart girl does - lesson learned, and move on with our lives, as we both clearly understand hurt is sometimes inevitable.

This makes us for who we are, and we accept this as part of our life journey. 


k   xoxo

Sir

Dearest ML,

One of my hobbies these days is to read how others become an entrepreneur and if and why they become successful.

The latest article I just read is how a famous Hong Kong record producer evolves to become a fashion designer and create his own brand called "Coolday, sir". Mind you he is also a father of 3 young sons!

Their style evolves Brit chic male fashion and they provoke 10 principles of how to become "sir" -

1. He knows when to say yes or no, but never maybe.

2. He speaks kindly, but always the truth.

3. He expects excellence of himself.

4. He delights in the excellence of others.

5. He is the first to arrive and the last to leave.

6. He is humble because he knows what he doesn't know.

7. He serves without being asked.

8. He knows the real value is not determined by fortune. 

9. He is chivalrous.

10. He prefers style over trend.

I found it so true not only for "sir" but for ladies as well (ok maybe except #7)! 

Maybe it is time to work out our version of "how to become a lady", in love & relationship, in career and in friendship...  :-)


k   xoxo

One year

Dearest ML,

Last night I was dropping a Facebook message to my Italian girlfriend to wish her bon voyage back home, then I realized it has been nearly 1 year since my trip to Italy, and then I realized one year ago I was dumped by B right before the Italy trip.

When you forgot about the time, it is an indication of healing.

When you move on with life and getting busy and gradually stop thinking about him / dwelling with why things happen, it is an indication of healing.

When you stop having any feeling in him, it is a GOOD indication of healing.  

When you feel like you are a happier person than before, it is an indication of healing.

Be thankful on what we have. Be thankful we are still alive and healthy. Be thankful we have a choice to lead a happy and fulfilling life.



k   xoxo

So what??

Dearest ML,

You are lucky!! By pure coincidence I managed to dig out the Chinese article of "so what" attitude.

It begins like this (sorry I may not be good in translation):

Lately I attended a campaign called "iPaint xmas tree" at a shopping mall in Hong Kong where they invited a few disabled artist to design xmas trees. Some of them have hearing disability, some with physical disability. This makes me remember the book written by Nick Vujicic as he is a person born without any limbs. The tone of the book is light and I cannot feel any sense of unhappiness in his writing.

One line that he wrote is : 

"Disability is my physical attribute, there is no need to be upset by my physical attribute"

Very shocking!

I always ask myself "so what?"

Physical attribute can be referred as "if my nose is perfectly high and straight enough, if my legs are long enough" but the author (Nick) can see his in-born disability as his normal physical attribute, it proves his independent & adverse way of thinking can make him score A+ in general education in Hong Kong. When the majority of us are crazy about slimming, plastic surgery, botex etc... and being too concerned about how people's view on us, have we ever thought of seeing our imperfect area as our physical attribute?

Successful people always ask "why not?" to think out-of-the-box. We have to ask "so what?" often to adjust our thinking. We are overweight, we are slim, with short legs, or with bald head. The first line to say is "so what"? Then our self-confidence will immediately come back, and we feel good about ourselves.

I can further elaborate the above "physical attribute" and "so what?" logic to journey of life. When we encounter the inevitable unfortunate incidents that happen in our journey of life, we will realize how fragile our physical body can be, but our will (power) can be strong. I remember the author (Nick) wrote "my love life is irrelevant to my disability, most importantly is "I do not use disability as an excuse" because no one will find someone who's self pity and pathetic to be charming".

Look, if we have "so what", there is nothing much to be afraid of. Being dumped by someone, so what? This is inevitable in journey in life. Loss of job, so that? Also inevitable in journey of life.

So one line of "so what" can be very powerful. And to have a fulfilling life, it all begins with "so what".

=================================

Very meaningful huh?


k   xoxo

What is "Growth"?

Dearest ML,

We talk about "growth" recently but what exactly is growth? How I see is :

Growth is about how you see a situation better and deals with it better (incl relationship failure!)

Growth is about how you see yourself better, know your shortcomings and try to improve them (gradually) 

Growth is about how you see men better, and try not to let them dominate you (again incl relationship failure)

Growth is about how you see life better, how we see life as a journey, how to learn something new everyday and cherish everyday and everything we have (sometimes, incl dysfunctional family) 

Growth is about setting priorities - in job, in everyday, and in life

Growth is also about risk assessment - how we may better control the risk to minimal

I remember when I was in Hong Kong (X number of years ago) I had my times when I felt lost - I was working 9-5 everyday but I was lost. Lost in guys, lost in not knowing what I want in life.

I guess everyone goes through this sort of period, in search of meaning of life at some point of life.

While the guys' radar is on (in search of growth stock), the above should be able to help to keep reminding myself about what life is exactly about.

Life is about experience, and most importantly how to live a smarter life and do something fulfilling to ONESELF.

The whole journey begins by "love yourself"

k   xoxo

Time change

Dear ML,

California had the time change to Pacific Standard Time at 2 am Sunday. Without much jargon it simply means the clock was pushed back 1 hour slower. I experienced this "historical moment" as I was on internet or something. Simply put by 2 am everything was changed to 1 am, including the clock on my laptop. Of course not every clock changes automatically (say the wrist watch)

I never have this sort of thing in my life. It makes me realize one thing - what is time? Is it something just simply subject to our definition? Or more importantly how we spend our time?

While I had 25 hours on that day, another day passed. I had a nice, quiet day with M as usual, my best friend gave birth to the most beautiful newborn baby I have seen. The sky goes darker earlier now. It is also cooler now compared to 2 months ago when I first arrived LA.

Whether we like it or not, the world won't stop. Everyone goes on with their lives.

While we have been (or had been) still moaning why we continue to care about our stupid ex, time do flies no matter what. Would it be better if we stop doing something, say being angry with ourselves or the jerk, trying to understand what happened or why it happened (like what R did to you, or B to me) etc.... and do something more constructive say have things thrown behind our back and move on with our lives?

It is simply because nothing much will change the outcome. Echoed with Tom's "Single Lady" post, we are doomed to experience pain. We are doomed to meet A hole(s) in the journey of life. If we do, and if we confirm someone to be an A hole to us, we should know what to do for the best interests of ourselves.

Seriously, do you think the A hole(s) will care that someone out there 10,000 km away still care / concern about them? This is like an investment with confirmed zero or negative ROI right from the very beginning.

Stop loss. And stop loss starting TODAY. 

k xoxo

Tom's Blog

Dear ML,

I have a confession to make. In doing "research" of the blog, I came across "wordpress", almost created the blog there but switched to blogger here as I don't wanna have ads. At Wordpress I came across a blogger called Tom (btw he is HOT!) and guess what his blog is about?

Productivity, Relationship, Spirituality and Tech

OMG. Weird combo but confession #1 to make: I was almost instantly addicted to his blog. His wife blog (Jess) is also  fantastic to read.

Here is an interesting piece by Tom that I'd like to share with you (I am sure Tom won't mind!)

6 Things to Stop Caring About Today

I read people's comments as well, many said they like #1 which is "stop caring about everyone's opinion of you".

Last night (actually this morning at 2 am) M had a word on me about my possible business venture ideas which has been delayed and delayed... He asked (gently) if I need any help / progress etc., but in my ears those words became "oh he is kicking my butt!!!"(confession #2)

I do care about him, and his comments. So I made a promise at that time, I need to get something started. Like what Tom wrote in the first sentence of his blog post "Everyday is an opportunity to start again".

It makes me realizes one thing. A lot of times I am too afraid to fail and ended up not doing anything. But seriously what exactly is stopping me - I can blame the designer, blame the manufacturer, blame the supplier, or is it more on the fear of losing money? Time?

Or " losing face" (ie the fear of how others see on me if I fail?)

O M G. I thought I don't give a damn on everyone's opinion (except a few on earth) but seems not the case.

M said "life is precious, time is short" (actually reverse of my version). I am going to start something. Even if it fails, it will be a good learning experience. A good exploratory exercise of myself.


I hope your exams today went well!


k    xoxo

PS - thanks Tom for your inspiring post :)