Transforming Ex into Friends

Dearest ML,

Hope your D day went well!! Look forward to your great news :)

Had a very nice catch up with my ex last night. Our relationship surprisingly has been well after breakup, to the extent I am still trying to understand what caused the smooth transition. He was the one who brought up the breakup and caught me out of guard, I should be the one with negative feelings. But in reality, I am quite happy with our status quo now.

Why? Put it this way, sometimes a guy may better be a friend than boyfriend. We girls always have special list of "requirements" for boyfriend. For this ex, obviously he performs a better friend than boyfriend due to a lot of reasons, partly due to his job, partly due to his own mentality. All these are out of my control.

When I was in relationship with him, I had no complaint. I accepted this and I was head over heels for him (I think I am still so today, ha!). But on hindsight, we all deserve the best. M is currently the best for me. I still have no complaint for M which is kind of rare :)

How I see our relationship now with this ex? It is kind of like "divorced couple but with very good friendship". We care about each other, we share and talk a lot. He will always have a special place in my heart. I do not know about vice versa but probably so. I even asked the fortune teller about him, and prediction came back positive. Ha!  

I had my doubts if I should ask if he's seeing anyone. I was a bit confused if I still have the fantasy that we shall get back together, and if so I will get upset upon hearing his answer for that question. Eventually I did ask him in person last night, and he said he has been casually seeing someone for a few months. 

Thought I will get upset but surprisingly I did not. On second thought I am genuinely happy for him - whether he is single / seeing anyone / even getting married and have kids, it really does not matter. I want him to be happy. I feel like our relationship actually transcends to another level.

Unfortunately I do not have any more ex like him. This may be a good thing if not I will be very busy catching up with each of them :0) Most of my exes are like strangers - either I do not have interests to keep in touch with them, or they treat me as strangers.

But does it mean I hate any of them? No, because I understand guys are kind of like buses, they come and go. When a suitable bus comes, you hop along, and hop off at the destination. And then the bus will be gone. Sometimes you will catch the same bus again, but most of the time, you do not even see the same bus.

I know you still have grudges with R, hope this post will give you some inspiration. Does he worth to be your friends? If not, you may be happier to see him as a bus. You had your ride, you had fun and sweet memories and that's it.

He is just a bus.

So if you ask me if there is any formula to transform ex into friends? The answer is no, I do not have specific formula. If so I feel like I may become a millionaire by selling books of this sort! However I realize it does take two for the transition. So first question is are you ready? And even if you are ready, you have to assess if the other party is equipped with the maturity for the same transition and whether he is worthwhile to become your friends. 

We talked about this before, it does take time for the transition and most importantly, more time to maintain this type of close friendship.


k  xoxo