Letting go and getting strong

Dearest ML,

Thanks for your long email! I finally have time to respond and summarized what I wrote to you on whatsapp.

R wrote you something on Facebook. You replied, then you got his short reply. Then you were upset by his short reply, and all the memories flooded back. Did you see any pattern in this and WHY you were upset?

Could it have been your over-expectation on him - that you expect him to feel for you in the same degree as you do?

I can certainly understand your frustration on his reply. What a jerk! But what else can you expect from him? What you had with him is the end, finished. Like what I suggested, try practice selective memory. Hold the good memories and let go of the bad ones. Remember the bad memories do no good to your well being. Keep saying your brain is small, you got your study to do may help as well :)

Likewise, my memory for B is fading. And it took me more than one year to do so. There is really no short cut in this. I wish there were some button for letting go once and for all. It is a gradual process. with no short cut. When you do let go, you may be surprised how much time it takes, or how much little time it takes.

And next time if R approaches you again, DO NOT REPLY. Do not give him any sort of feedback. Let him speculate. If a guy is interested in you, he will approach you again. And this is really true. Guys in Hong Kong have been surrounded by "aggressive" ladies and almost forgot this golden rule. It is the time for you to sit back, and prioritize what you really want to do in your life.

I am also sorry to hear about your unhappiness story with your last job in Hong Kong. Being cheated is definitely not good. Being bad mouth behind your back is worst. But one thing you have to realize - both incidents are out of your control. You cannot control how people feel about you, how they talk about you (even after you left). The key is to control what you can control.

In this universe there is one person you need to come clean with, and this is yourself. Take time to reflect if there is any area you may have handled better, and without focus on the harm and damage on what others have done on you.

Focus on what you learn from the incident - say would it be better to keep a safe distance with your colleagues, or not being so trusting to your boss / colleagues, or even say to be a stronger person so that you will be less affected by others' comments? 

I always talk about being a stronger person. It stems from inside but not outside. It is the feeling of self confidence, competency and being content with yourself (work, friends, family, love life etc). You may have done all things perfect but without any recognition or praise from others. So what? For me, I'd rather focus on coming clean with yourself, that you can sleep tight at night, and that you feel happy about yourself.

This is what really matters.

You wrote about the "why me" mentality. Will you ask yourself this when good things happen on you? You cannot expect life to be without any hurdle, right?


k  xoxo