Films

Dearest ML,

I saw your FB. Hope you had great fun with your Boston roadtrip :-)

During the Labor Day weekend, M and I watched two films: The Dark Knight Rises and a Danish Film In a Better World. I love film watching: films immerse me into a completely different world away from reality and can provoke thoughts sometimes.

While watching the Batman, at some point, I cannot help and think about the Aurora shooting incident. When exactly did it happen? What would I do if I were in the incident? Will I survive? What a horrifying experience it is to turn an exciting film watching experience (and Batman! I read somewhere the premiere in New York was sold out 6 months in advance) and ended up like this.

I like Batman trilogy. I think the director has successfully added many layers to the Batman character. Remember the old days of Michael Keaton and even George Clooney? Or even in far ancient days when there was the hysterical TV show with Batman and Robin and "BANG BANG" occupying the whole TV screen? The current trilogy is very different from the previous work. It is undoubtedly still a very Hollywood Blockbuster, but very well made. Normally I am not a big fan of this sort of film but I have to admit, the film watching experience was entertaining.

Honestly I wish there were a little bit more on Catwoman. Anne Hathaway has done a very good job in playing the role.

The other Danish film In a Better World is completely different. It is the winner of 2010 Oscar Best Foreign Film, and very real (whereas Batman is extremely surreal). The film covered a lot of topics: cancer, death, different forms of bullying, marriage, family dynamics, to name just a few. On hindsight I wish it could have focused more on a few topics only with more in-depth coverage. But good films are hard to find. This is definitely above average.

All in all, I am happy to have M to share these film watching experience together. I remember I had an ex, every time when I proposed a film to watch by then (and even now) I would need to exercise my careful consideration. M is the complete opposite as we are both film lovers and surprisingly share pretty common taste and preference on foreign language films (well he loves sci-fi horrors like 28 Days Later but I am not). But we have to admit, the "date" for film watching is also very important!


k  xoxo  

Blogger

Dearest ML,

It's been a while. By pure coincidence (well everything to me is "by pure coincidence" anyway), I came across this blog People Do Things With Their Lives and how the viewers are raving about it. I was amused. Absolutely amused & astonished. Maybe my bar is higher I do not feel like that.

I do agree with one of her points she wrote "there is no news" but yet it does not make her blog great. Then I cannot help and wonder if somebody regarded her blog as "great" and "good read enough to follow after checking other bloggers", then what about my blog? My thoughts? Are they just too quirky or others will find it entertaining / meaningful to read?

We write to inspire (inspired by E L James "we aim to please", said Ana to Christian or vice versa). So guess what? I will continue to write my random thoughts.

FYI the bloggers I consider awesome is Tom Basson (despite I do not like his religious stuff but scroll down to "what makes you come alive". I believe everyone should keep their own list), and Seth Godin

These are really cool blogs.

k  xoxo

Back to School Again

Dearest ML,

I saw your Facebook. You are such a vibrant soul :) I remember when I was at your age I was like that too - endless parties, activities to keep my schedule completely full (hey I was living in Hong Kong!) but now I feel different. How to put it, I know I am getting old when M and I were driving pass Hollywood last Saturday night around 11 pm, seeing all these party crowds with bumper to bumper traffic. My only thought was "I wanna go back home and rest".

And yes I have decided to go back school again after... er... 6 years (OMG). This time it is via Coursera, a fantastic free online platform where literally you can sign up anything you like for free. So far it is still free I do not know about its future. It is a great resource to go back to school again to sharpen my mind, to interact with different think-alike individuals, and most importantly to sign up anything I feel interested in without feeling obliged on doing anything. So this time I signed up Gamification, Introduction to Operation Management and Sociology etc 5 courses in total.

Yeah I am getting really excited. And yes it is feel like back to school again, I need my brand new stationery - notebook and pens :P

Everytime I do a course I feel like it is not only the (online) lecture, but it is also about the reading. So yes here I come, I am prepared. I feel alive again.


k  xoxo
 

New York City

I miss you, New York City.

One of my favorite shots taken on the Brooklyn Bridge and Manhattan skyline

Hedi Silmane Diary

Dearest ML,

I know you love photography as much as I do... check this out

Hedi Silmane Diary

He is just SO cool - powerful black and white image :)

Honestly the world is SO big and full of interesting things for us to explore

k  xoxo

Caught in the cycle of poverty

Dearest ML,

If you have the time, take a look on the cover story by LA Times today and then also read the comments

Caught in the cycle of poverty

New to LA for less than 1 year, it is still hard to imagine people in the States can live like this. I think there are a few issues here:

1. Cole always mentioned about kids but I have no idea why she may consider having the 5th one given her conditions. Where is the birth control? She does not know about condom / contraceptives? As some readers may have pointed out, maybe this is her plan to gain more welfare or food stamps by having more kids. Who knows but this is alarming - it is a false alarm this time but who knows if it will be a real baby on board some time soon?

2. I am always interested in the topic of "ending poverty" (and subsequently microfinance) but in this story I think Cole has her own responsibility to bear. She missed a few times of working hard to get a job. It is a pattern.

3. Some readers suggested the role of mentor and I do think this may help provided the person is open to "constructive criticism" (believe me, not everyone is) and provided there is strong-minded person to help the impoverished like this in terms of attention, dedication and time (something more valuable than donating money)

4. All in all, the whole story keeps reminding me one thing: the person who can help yourself is yourself. For Cole, IF you are really doing the best for your children, stop having more babies, take care of your health, and settle down to get one / multiple jobs. No rocket science here. Life is not fair and sometimes someone's path is doomed to be more difficult than the others.

The story also reminds me of my dad, how he came from a poor family of 5 boys, uneducated parents who were not home to work and how he worked himself up to social ladder to become a professional and a middle class and now retired with enough money to spare. Coming from a poor family is not an excuse. Not taking care of oneself properly physically and not having a burning desire to make ends meet is.


k  xoxo 

Coffee Meets Bagel

Dearest ML,

As posted on your Facebook wall last night (since you are NY-to-be), this is what I found after reading a small column from a Hong Kong newspaper: Coffee meets Bagel

Without signing up (I am not eligible nor in need of such service!) and from the preliminary information I have from their website, here is my feedback:

1. I think the concept is cool because it turns out it is not that easy to meet potential partner in US (surprise!) but the key of success lies on "how CMB consultant can lie up a good match". If it is just random match, the coffee / bagel (which I still cannot distinguish who's who) may lost interests in this quickly and will likely disregard the whole thing. So I will say the first 3-5 matches are really important.

2. I still haven't figured out their business model and revenue income. I think it is fine to charge subscriber a minimal fee to sign up to enjoy the service say for 30 / 90 days if not I am not sure how they are going to sustain, considering there is no ad on their website, and considering how important it is to find a good match for the first few trials.

3. Assuming this charge model, and assuming it is a success within say 10 matches, obviously the benefit is on the spread of words among friends and possibly opt-out of the service. But to have a good match the prerequisite is again manpower to support this service 

4. Sometimes I may see friends of friends that I may get interested to know about but no connection, maybe CMB can tap into this area too as purely customized match instead of "random" match (well I do not know how random that is anyway but I remember Glamour said it is "random").

5. I like the idea of having suggestions on where to date (which may turn into a paying service for bars / restaurants and stuff) but more manpower is needed for the business development.

Right on Arum, I look forward to see CMB flourish in other cities too :)


k  xoxo

Hong Kong

Dearest ML,

During my last visit, I took some time to take pictures of Hong Kong. Have a look? I love the way Hong Kong is just so diverse with a mix of modern and the old 

(most importantly I totally love my pentax k-r camera with all these built-in filters for special effects!) 

k  xoxo

Mistake

Dearest ML,

Following the "courtesy, manner and respect" post, the saga continues.

I wrote to you that the friend did get back to me but not anymore. I whatsapp and asked questions, just casual ones like "what are your plans for weekend" then no feedback. It seems he disappeared in the thin air. I do not know what is happening.

Specifically I feel like I am stupid. Committing the same mistake twice? How foolish I am, to expect someone to change. I feel like I am more angry about myself than him.

This brings up one point:  never commit the same mistake twice.

My 2nd point being: time will really tell who that person is. It is not his sweet words but how he treats you that counts more. Be smart and do not be fooled!

 
k  xoxo

Respect, Manner and Courtesy

Dearest ML,

This blog post is also inspired by what happened yesterday. I told a friend that I wanna meet up, and if possible meet up last night for a drinks. I wrote something else to show my invitation was sincere. The invitation was sent out the night before. He got plenty of time to respond. Of course I had no problem that he could not make it, but I thought at least even a "no" is something out of respect, manner and courtesy.

Then I was out for hiking and missed his call at 1 pm. He did not leave me any message. I whatsapp him back at 2 after my hike, and then I heard nothing from him until 20:56 that he could not make it, and with a misuse of emoticons (an unhappy look followed by a big smile).

I got "furious" and replied in my whatsapp to show my disappointment and how I felt. Originally I thought if I over-reacted. Then I told my male friend about this, he said "Girl, you are venting. I would do the same too. I am not to be ignored and anyone to stand me up flat. Sorry. Next bus please unless he apologizes and makes up for it"

And guess what? I never heard from him since then. To make it clear I am not upset he cannot make it, but he could have told me earlier so that I can make my own plans.

Then I figure this is something really important apart from the way we look: it is the way we act, and the way we treat people with respect.

In short: respect, manner and courtesy. This is something even more important than the look.

Then I realized with M... He's the one who will never throw me under the bus. He is the one to treat me with respect and courtesy. He acts whatever he promises, from tiny issue like "I will come to the airport by 330 pm to pick you up".

He may not have the "hot look" but he has everything else that I am expecting in a friend and partner.


k  xoxo 

Ladies, mind your look please

Dearest ML,

This blog post is inspired by an incident yesterday. I went hiking with my mom. It was a hiking group of 100+ people. In the group, there was a young "leader", and yesterday a female friend went together with him.

Nobody knows if she was his girlfriend. I do not want to guess, I do not know her at all but her look is .... awful.

1. A large part of the roots of her hair was dark but the rest of her hair was brown.

2. She was not wearing any makeup, and she did not have a good skin complexion not to wear any make up.

3. She is a bit chubby, nothing wrong with that but then she may need to put more effort on the way she dresses.

Ladies, mind your look please, especially in a situation like this where there is a lot of people who may think you are somebody's girlfriend or special friend.

It is our responsibility to look fabulous at all times.


k  xoxo 

Fillens

Dearest ML,

Congrats again on passing and yeah no more exams and study :P

I came across a magazine called Fillens long ago. It is a bi-monthly magazine in Hong Kong that targets at amateur female photographer readership. You were in Hong Kong before you may be aware how big camera is so popular here (something that I cannot see in US, the Americans are more crazy about sports LOL)

I did not read Fillens at that time until today when I came around it in my favorite columnist on newspaper. She wrote about how girls are using photography to express their feelings, as a medium to improve communication with their significant others, and most importantly as a sign of independence.

We are both into photographs (though you are more professional than I am!). Take a look at Fillens when you have time. Fillens is actually a combo of "Fille" (French word of girl) and "lens". Meaningful huh?

They got some really good pics. I glanced through the columnists but they are just so-so. Anyway cannot expect too much, like everything else in life :-) 


k   xoxo

Friendship

Dearest ML,

I am in a bit of doubt in figuring out "friendship". I am not sure if it is my problem now but I found "friends" are pretty reluctant to meet me up. I am trying not to take it personally but it seems everyone seems so busy, especially in Hong Kong.

And what is worst is even if we agree to meet up (kinda like "oh let's touch base today to see how we feel") and this is the exact reaction that I dislike, as I know we are not going to meet up for sure.

Right now I am still enjoying my very free time before heading back to US to meet M, I can for sure understand why others are so busy (or put it this way why I am so un-busy). So maybe that is why their reaction triggers a lot of "reaction" from me.

Not sure if you have any thoughts on this?


k   xoxo 

Lin-sanity

Dearest ML,

Everyone in Hong Kong / China is talking about Jeremy Lin. I am not exactly a NBA fans but am equally intrigued by his story, and how he made it to his success today.

There are already tons of articles on this, but here is the one that I think is so meaningful:

10 Lessons Jeremy Lin Can Teach Us Before We Go to Work Monday

Summarizing the key points from the article -

1. Believe in yourself when nobody does
2. Seize the opportunity when it comes up
3. Your family will be there for you, so be there for them
4. Find the system that works your style, particularly you’ve got to do your best to understand what your strengths are and then ensure that you’re in a system (a job or organization or industry) that is a good fit for those strengths.
5. Don't overlook talent that might exist around you today on your team (to me it means make no assumption)  
6. Be yourself - I truly agree with the author, Judy Garland said it best "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."
7. Stay humble, it will make people love you more
8. Make others look good
9. Never forget the importance of luck or fate and be grateful
10. Work your butt off - "there is simply no shortcut to hard work" and "you can only control what you control and that means you've got to work harder than anyone else you know"

You know what? The above should really be printed and put it next to my bed so that I can keep reminding myself every night and every morning!

Finally I think you will like this one - from an article on NY Times on Lin:

(from Romans 5:3-5):

suffering produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us.

k   xoxo

Letting go and getting strong

Dearest ML,

Thanks for your long email! I finally have time to respond and summarized what I wrote to you on whatsapp.

R wrote you something on Facebook. You replied, then you got his short reply. Then you were upset by his short reply, and all the memories flooded back. Did you see any pattern in this and WHY you were upset?

Could it have been your over-expectation on him - that you expect him to feel for you in the same degree as you do?

I can certainly understand your frustration on his reply. What a jerk! But what else can you expect from him? What you had with him is the end, finished. Like what I suggested, try practice selective memory. Hold the good memories and let go of the bad ones. Remember the bad memories do no good to your well being. Keep saying your brain is small, you got your study to do may help as well :)

Likewise, my memory for B is fading. And it took me more than one year to do so. There is really no short cut in this. I wish there were some button for letting go once and for all. It is a gradual process. with no short cut. When you do let go, you may be surprised how much time it takes, or how much little time it takes.

And next time if R approaches you again, DO NOT REPLY. Do not give him any sort of feedback. Let him speculate. If a guy is interested in you, he will approach you again. And this is really true. Guys in Hong Kong have been surrounded by "aggressive" ladies and almost forgot this golden rule. It is the time for you to sit back, and prioritize what you really want to do in your life.

I am also sorry to hear about your unhappiness story with your last job in Hong Kong. Being cheated is definitely not good. Being bad mouth behind your back is worst. But one thing you have to realize - both incidents are out of your control. You cannot control how people feel about you, how they talk about you (even after you left). The key is to control what you can control.

In this universe there is one person you need to come clean with, and this is yourself. Take time to reflect if there is any area you may have handled better, and without focus on the harm and damage on what others have done on you.

Focus on what you learn from the incident - say would it be better to keep a safe distance with your colleagues, or not being so trusting to your boss / colleagues, or even say to be a stronger person so that you will be less affected by others' comments? 

I always talk about being a stronger person. It stems from inside but not outside. It is the feeling of self confidence, competency and being content with yourself (work, friends, family, love life etc). You may have done all things perfect but without any recognition or praise from others. So what? For me, I'd rather focus on coming clean with yourself, that you can sleep tight at night, and that you feel happy about yourself.

This is what really matters.

You wrote about the "why me" mentality. Will you ask yourself this when good things happen on you? You cannot expect life to be without any hurdle, right?


k  xoxo

Japanese Women and Japanese Culture

Dearest ML,

My friend S who is an intelligent Japanese woman is having a tough time. She is very smart but I do think she is living in a wrong culture that does not appreciate her. We had a few email exchange on this and the "real" Japanese culture. It is funny how a lot of Hong Kong people / foreigners are fascinated about the Japanese culture but how much do they really know about it?

With her permission, here is how S sees it. A little bit more background about S, she is approaching 30, speaks fluent English and Japanese with good degrees but struggling to find a job. Why?

- Japanese is "expected" to be high conforming / obeying & suppressed, and it is difficult to break the "norm".

- Women without make-up will get bad impression and disliked by both women and men. So Japanese women spend a lot of time on putting on (heavy) makeup and spend a lot of time on clothes. I think they are really concerned about their appearance and how people perceive them, and thus conforming into the social role with a particular mode of behavior.

- They are also taught to behave in good manners and play the "role" perfectly. But as we all know this is not 100% of the case and so they feel very frustrated, and they bad mouth their colleagues behind their back, behave and talk very differently among women or close friends / co-workers.

People from other countries say Japanese women are quiet, obedient and beautiful. But they are shockingly two-faced (in S exact wordings), as in multiple personality disorder. They are not allowed to express their opinion freely and the only way to relieve stress is behind the back.

When S was working at the airport, some colleagues asked her for gathering but they were badmouthing other colleagues for 8 hours (I cannot believe this!). They act so nicely in front of them yet hate them actually. She received this sort of invitation sometimes but eventually dropped the idea of going as it had always been a 8 hour bad mouth competition.

OMG, how tiring that will be!!

- Japanese practices the age hierarchy where people judge other people simply by their age. In S terms, some people behave like a king / queen just because they are older than you, even one year old than you.

More than once, I heard about Japanese women do not receive same wage treatment as with their male co-worker. It means even if they are doing the same job, they do not receive the same wage.

I once watched a TV program on how Japanese women were being treated in the job market. They can get entry level job, and then a few years most of them will quit to stay home and take care of the kids. Promotional prospect is minimal.

Having said that, I am truly happy that I do not live in Japan! I mean if I think I am not a Chinese in Hong Kong society, very likely I will commit suicide in Japan if I were a Japanese!

Why am I writing this blog post? Nothing will change unless we do something about it. So S, think about it again - if you wanna a change you can move to some other places (especially you now have D), conduct advocacy campaign, join in an organization to gather similar voices and do something. This is how I see it. You may not change this overnight (nobody can) but to have a change, someone must take a lead and do something.

And that person can be you.


k  xoxo

De-facebook

Dearest ML,

Funny that you brought up the topic about Facebook in our last email and that you are spending much less time on it. On the contrary, I found myself spending comparatively more time on it in view I have been in the States. It is indeed a good way to stay in touch with friends but there are certain aspects that I dislike about Facebook -

1. Privacy - I value my privacy and I would not prefer to disclose everything on that platform.

2. And you do bring up one good point - comparison. Am I comparing my life with others on Facebook even unconsciously? You know my facebook I check it but I seldom make new posting. So in a way I do know how others are doing, how my ex is having a great time with his GF etc... And not to mention a lot of my high school / uni-mates are married with kids now with a few more babies on the way. So I have to ask myself - do I have any benefit from "peeking" into others' life?

3. I'd appreciate a more in-depth approach to my genuine friends whereas I do not see how I can benefit from leaving note / 1 line on their wall?

I cannot agree with you more that Facebook can be toxic. I know people start to de-facebook for various reasons. Some of my friends never have Facebook and they still survive! So maybe I will do that one day, but for the time being, I know I am not yet ready and prefer to leave the status quo.


k  xoxo

Our past

Dearest ML,

Thanks for sharing your story with me on whatsapp earlier.

There are a few points I'd like to get back to you in more details on your story.

1. We all have some unpleasant personal history that we hope it may be erased by pressing a button or using an eraser. It can be a nude topless photo in bath tub while we were a kid, or a really ugly photo in an incredibly ugly outfit / haircut (or both), or some dishonest cheating in schools or some harsh comments we made knowingly or unknowingly to our friends, or some inglorious stupid mistakes that we made.

For me,  it is all of the above.

I think it is important to accept what happened without any prejudice or anger or regret. It is simply a (small) chapter in the journey of life, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.

The important part is to learn from our mistake. 

Only when we are able to completely accept we are for who we are and accept what happened without shame and guilt, we will be able to move on.

2. You mentioned some girlfriends did not like you. For whatever reasons behind this, again this is inevitable. Some people dislike you because you are dumb, because you are mean, because you are sweaty and stink, because you are overweight, or because you are smart and beautiful and everyone likes you.

We are not exactly in a beauty pageant competition running for Ms Friendly crown. It is just fairly common that some people dislike others or do not get along well, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.

3. As far as dating situation goes, what if some of his friends do not like you? The answer is fairly simple. Remember who you are dating with: him or his friends?

As long as you did nothing wrong, you live by your conscience, morals, standards and values, I think this is pretty sufficient.

How others see you is irrelevant, it is how you see yourself that counts more.


k  xoxo    

Margin Call

Dearest ML,

I am not sure if you watched the film "Margin Call"? M and I watched it just now... Scary. Well to specify it is not a horror film (I would never watch that) but a mimic on what exactly happened on the day when Lehman Brother collapsed in 2008. In the film it mentioned about the layoff / how the senior management reacted upon hearing the news that they were hugely in debt ....

The rest is all history.

Read news today Morgan Stanley is going to layoff 560 staff alone in their New York headquarter. History is just repeating itself.

And I am not sure if you watched the documentary "inside job"? Maybe this is part of the reason why you would like to change field?

Life is short, there are far more important and better things to do than... working non-stop, earning money in a dirty, dishonest way. Occupy Wall Street certainly got their motives right (if I remember, one of them is "against corporate greed") but we have to ask - what has been done so far to avoid history from repeating itself?

Or nothing at all? And... how we end up in a world like this, where hard work no longer pays off and only those who cheat / lie can earn big money?


k   xoxo

How I see Friends

Dearest ML,

In your latest email you wrote about friends and your desire of keeping closer in touch with friends.

I am very bad in keeping in touch with friends. I can chat, make new friends easily but not at all good in keeping contacts with close, real friends. What I realize is -

Real friends are those who do not need to be in close contacts all the times.

Real friends are those who may not be close with you physically but close with you in heart.

Real friends are those who can talk and talk and share what is happening in life after months of no contact.

Real friends are those who will be there for you when you are down, need someone to talk to, when you need help.

Real friends can be those who are not even on your Facebook. 

Most importantly, it takes two to make real friends. 

So do real friends need "maintenance"?  Yes and no. You have to realize one fact - friends, are like guys and buses, they come and go. Time will tell who is the real friend. There is no need to push it too hard. And there is also no need to feel sad when you lose some of the "friends".

PS - by coincidence I was watching The Good Wife with M just now. There was a quote between Alicia and her brother like below.

Background: they were really close, and Alicia called her brother late night to have drinks in a bar and complained she doesn't have friends anymore.

Alicia: God, where are all my friends?
Brother: on your facebook


k   xoxo