Dearest ML,
Happy thanksgiving :) It was actually my first thanksgiving ever in the States, and gave me a lot of thoughts.
I googled and briefly know the origin of thanksgiving is to give thanks to God - which is all good. It is also about family gathering and stuff - kinda like Chinese New Year. OK I got it.
M had been so kind and brought me to the volunteer work in Civic Center in Santa Monica, and we served food to the homeless / poor for 2.5 hours on the Thanksgiving Day. I just cannot believe there were SO many homeless / poor people waiting in line for food. It is just too bad. Considering Santa Monica is probably one of the wealthiest regions in the country (which I may be wrong), it is just sad to see the disparity between the poor and the rich is SO huge. No discrimination but those were people that were really homeless, that were stinky and with dirty clothes etc. Sad to see what's happening in this country.
Then I saw the pie center - it was literally full of pies (I estimated it should be over 300??). Again there were people in this country wealthy enough to donate pies but so much homeless to feed.
Later that night we went to his uncle house for a nice dinner with his not-so-close relatives - in a very nice condol in Beverly Hills area. I cannot stop comparing the environment that I was in at night vs the Civic Center in the afternoon.
Possibly because thanksgiving is 1 month before Christmas, it has been a time for shopping (or Black Friday). The pile of discount booklets in LA times was literally two inches thick :0)
Put it this way, I know the Americans love spending but have they thought about:
- there are just some people in this country in the same land that are really really poor?
- why there is the constant need to spend / to buy?
- is it about time to think twice before we buy anything?
I am constantly thinking about the last point myself. Considering I packed 15 tops, 3 tees, 1 pair of long jeans, 1 demin mini-skirt, 3 pairs of shorts & 3 pairs of shoes for the almost 90 days stay in LA, I believe it is actually a breakthrough for me to reconsider what I should pack and what I should buy in future.
Clothing are actually more durable than you thought. Same for the shoes.
Despite having said that, I did buy something for my friends and family for my return back home tomorrow.
k xoxo
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
What is "Growth"?
Dearest ML,
We talk about "growth" recently but what exactly is growth? How I see is :
Growth is about how you see a situation better and deals with it better (incl relationship failure!)
Growth is about how you see yourself better, know your shortcomings and try to improve them (gradually)
Growth is about how you see men better, and try not to let them dominate you (again incl relationship failure)
Growth is about how you see life better, how we see life as a journey, how to learn something new everyday and cherish everyday and everything we have (sometimes, incl dysfunctional family)
Growth is about setting priorities - in job, in everyday, and in life
Growth is also about risk assessment - how we may better control the risk to minimal
I remember when I was in Hong Kong (X number of years ago) I had my times when I felt lost - I was working 9-5 everyday but I was lost. Lost in guys, lost in not knowing what I want in life.
I guess everyone goes through this sort of period, in search of meaning of life at some point of life.
While the guys' radar is on (in search of growth stock), the above should be able to help to keep reminding myself about what life is exactly about.
Life is about experience, and most importantly how to live a smarter life and do something fulfilling to ONESELF.
The whole journey begins by "love yourself"
k xoxo
We talk about "growth" recently but what exactly is growth? How I see is :
Growth is about how you see a situation better and deals with it better (incl relationship failure!)
Growth is about how you see yourself better, know your shortcomings and try to improve them (gradually)
Growth is about how you see men better, and try not to let them dominate you (again incl relationship failure)
Growth is about how you see life better, how we see life as a journey, how to learn something new everyday and cherish everyday and everything we have (sometimes, incl dysfunctional family)
Growth is about setting priorities - in job, in everyday, and in life
Growth is also about risk assessment - how we may better control the risk to minimal
I remember when I was in Hong Kong (X number of years ago) I had my times when I felt lost - I was working 9-5 everyday but I was lost. Lost in guys, lost in not knowing what I want in life.
I guess everyone goes through this sort of period, in search of meaning of life at some point of life.
While the guys' radar is on (in search of growth stock), the above should be able to help to keep reminding myself about what life is exactly about.
Life is about experience, and most importantly how to live a smarter life and do something fulfilling to ONESELF.
The whole journey begins by "love yourself"
k xoxo
Height Be Taken
Dearest ML,
Congratulations on your blog! The title said it all "Height Be Taken" - so beautifully written (which is why Shakespeare is Shakespeare, no one can beat him :P)
Oh I sent your blog to M, and he just loved it (he said "that is a powerful / heavy sonnet! The sonnet is what love is really about") :) He is such a big fan of sonnets by Shakespeare, he recommends Sonnet 18 for lighter version:
I think it may be better he starts dating you instead :P
I think "Height be taken" can resonant the "growth stock concept" in my previous blog post and what you wrote in your last paragraph. Apart from the self journey of learning, ideally speaking, our Mr Right should be able to stimulate growth together, and in a way somehow pushing each other limit and live life to the fullest.
Having said that I have been thinking what else we may do in addition to the 3 principles I briefly wrote to facilitate the chance of discovering a growth stock. In real stock market you can track the stock performance, check their annual report etc... but what about for people?
Then I further think - the same actually applies to job / human resources area. I bet all employers would like to find a growth stock to work along / work for them but how to locate such a candidate?
A growth stock can also refer to a friend who inspires personal growth and who brings in interesting thoughts and conversation.
So the art of discovering growth stock should definitely be included into our syllabus as well
k xoxo
Congratulations on your blog! The title said it all "Height Be Taken" - so beautifully written (which is why Shakespeare is Shakespeare, no one can beat him :P)
Oh I sent your blog to M, and he just loved it (he said "that is a powerful / heavy sonnet! The sonnet is what love is really about") :) He is such a big fan of sonnets by Shakespeare, he recommends Sonnet 18 for lighter version:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.
I think it may be better he starts dating you instead :P
I think "Height be taken" can resonant the "growth stock concept" in my previous blog post and what you wrote in your last paragraph. Apart from the self journey of learning, ideally speaking, our Mr Right should be able to stimulate growth together, and in a way somehow pushing each other limit and live life to the fullest.
Having said that I have been thinking what else we may do in addition to the 3 principles I briefly wrote to facilitate the chance of discovering a growth stock. In real stock market you can track the stock performance, check their annual report etc... but what about for people?
Then I further think - the same actually applies to job / human resources area. I bet all employers would like to find a growth stock to work along / work for them but how to locate such a candidate?
A growth stock can also refer to a friend who inspires personal growth and who brings in interesting thoughts and conversation.
So the art of discovering growth stock should definitely be included into our syllabus as well
k xoxo
Friday, November 18, 2011
Pick Man like Picking Stock
Dear ML,
I just read a very interesting analogy from a column author that I like. I think she is in late 20s, Chinese, working in Wall Street now.
Today she wrote about pick man like picking a stock:
- Do not pick those that are backed by national policy. They are too well taken care off, they cannot take care of themselves.
- Do not pick those with high PE ratio. They already got a bunch of faithful stockholders, cost is too high, ordinary girl cannot afford to buy.
- Do not pick those that are from heirs: they are not motivated to grow, spending time with them is wasting your time.
- Do not pick those that are from highly volatile and manipulative by brokers (aka players): there is no way to beat them and we can only get hurt eventually.
What can we choose then? A growth stock, which may be available 1 out of 1000.
Question is how to pick growth stock?
I think it boils down to 3 principles
- do your homework
- trial and error
- learn from mistakes
k xoxo
I just read a very interesting analogy from a column author that I like. I think she is in late 20s, Chinese, working in Wall Street now.
Today she wrote about pick man like picking a stock:
- Do not pick those that are backed by national policy. They are too well taken care off, they cannot take care of themselves.
- Do not pick those with high PE ratio. They already got a bunch of faithful stockholders, cost is too high, ordinary girl cannot afford to buy.
- Do not pick those that are from heirs: they are not motivated to grow, spending time with them is wasting your time.
- Do not pick those that are from highly volatile and manipulative by brokers (aka players): there is no way to beat them and we can only get hurt eventually.
What can we choose then? A growth stock, which may be available 1 out of 1000.
Question is how to pick growth stock?
I think it boils down to 3 principles
- do your homework
- trial and error
- learn from mistakes
k xoxo
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wiki How - Relationship
Dear ML,
It was great chatting with you today :)
By pure coincidence, I discovered Wiki How and check this out when you have time - on Relationship... Many different topics covered. I haven't browsed through all of them but it is funny ;-)
k xoxo
It was great chatting with you today :)
By pure coincidence, I discovered Wiki How and check this out when you have time - on Relationship... Many different topics covered. I haven't browsed through all of them but it is funny ;-)
k xoxo
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Ask Amy
Dear ML,
I enjoy reading newspaper back-to-back. I always enjoy doing it especially in LA when I am not as busy as before. In Los Angeles Times there is a column called "Ask Amy" where readers can ask whatever question to Amy.
One time I remember it was from "Upset Grandma" who saw "outrageous" posts from her grandkids on Facebook and asking Amy if / how she should talk to them ;-)
Here is today's question -
"Dear Amy,
I was in a relationship with my ex-BF for 3 years. I broke up with him a few months ago because I felt that he did not make our relationship a priority.
Since the breakup we have stayed in touch. We have gone out a few times and have been sexually intimate. I have not dated anyone else, and he says he hasn't either.
He makes comments implying that he would like us to get back together. I have no intention of going into 2012 with this emotional baggage.
Should I suggest that we either maintain a platonic friendship or begin to try to re-establish a romantic relationship? I want him back only if he is capable of working at this.
Still in love"
Now let's see how Amy answered:
"Dear Still,
Back in the Stone Age when I was young, there was a somewhat objectionable (but commonly used) expression to describe a predicament such as yours.
It involved a person having ready access to a cow and thus getting the cow's milk for free.
I'll give you a modern translation: as long as you and your ex are booty-calling friends with benefits, you two don't have much of an incentive to change your status.
For things to be different, you will have to act differently. You should tell him you want to back off until you have more clarity about things"
I cannot agree with Amy more especially on the point "for things to be different you will have to act differently" but wanna supplement a few points:
- Does "still in love" mimic any of our behavior? Especially in "wanna have ex back but I don't want this emotional baggage in 2012"?
- I do not have much to offer to "still in love". The way she signs off the letter says it all.
- All I can say is it is unrealistic to expect one person to change especially after going through what they go through (been together, break up + sleeping together). It is very easy for them to be back together but the BF remains unchanged - simply becoz she has made things too easy for him.
- Actually there is nothing wrong with the status quo, but "still in love" may have been expecting too much. And too much expectation = too much disappointment (or in her own terms "emotional baggage")
Seriously we girls can also have friends with benefits too - but only when we are able to maintain our level of expectation, in staying content with the benefit and not expecting too much.
My advice is it may be easier for her to work on someone else for a fruitful and healthy relationship instead of spending time with this friend with benefits and creating emotional baggage for herself.
k xoxo
I enjoy reading newspaper back-to-back. I always enjoy doing it especially in LA when I am not as busy as before. In Los Angeles Times there is a column called "Ask Amy" where readers can ask whatever question to Amy.
One time I remember it was from "Upset Grandma" who saw "outrageous" posts from her grandkids on Facebook and asking Amy if / how she should talk to them ;-)
Here is today's question -
"Dear Amy,
I was in a relationship with my ex-BF for 3 years. I broke up with him a few months ago because I felt that he did not make our relationship a priority.
Since the breakup we have stayed in touch. We have gone out a few times and have been sexually intimate. I have not dated anyone else, and he says he hasn't either.
He makes comments implying that he would like us to get back together. I have no intention of going into 2012 with this emotional baggage.
Should I suggest that we either maintain a platonic friendship or begin to try to re-establish a romantic relationship? I want him back only if he is capable of working at this.
Still in love"
Now let's see how Amy answered:
"Dear Still,
Back in the Stone Age when I was young, there was a somewhat objectionable (but commonly used) expression to describe a predicament such as yours.
It involved a person having ready access to a cow and thus getting the cow's milk for free.
I'll give you a modern translation: as long as you and your ex are booty-calling friends with benefits, you two don't have much of an incentive to change your status.
For things to be different, you will have to act differently. You should tell him you want to back off until you have more clarity about things"
I cannot agree with Amy more especially on the point "for things to be different you will have to act differently" but wanna supplement a few points:
- Does "still in love" mimic any of our behavior? Especially in "wanna have ex back but I don't want this emotional baggage in 2012"?
- I do not have much to offer to "still in love". The way she signs off the letter says it all.
- All I can say is it is unrealistic to expect one person to change especially after going through what they go through (been together, break up + sleeping together). It is very easy for them to be back together but the BF remains unchanged - simply becoz she has made things too easy for him.
- Actually there is nothing wrong with the status quo, but "still in love" may have been expecting too much. And too much expectation = too much disappointment (or in her own terms "emotional baggage")
Seriously we girls can also have friends with benefits too - but only when we are able to maintain our level of expectation, in staying content with the benefit and not expecting too much.
My advice is it may be easier for her to work on someone else for a fruitful and healthy relationship instead of spending time with this friend with benefits and creating emotional baggage for herself.
k xoxo
We all deserved to be loved
Dear S, thanks for your feedback and it inspires me to write this blog post - "we all deserved to be loved"
To begin with, I think this is universally true - even for A hole! But a lot of times we tend to forget:
- It is a process to find the right person to fall in love with, it involves (1) time (2) effort (3) luck (4) faith
- Falling in love means open yourself and be vulnerable, and be ready to get hurt.
- Falling in love is easy but maintaining a relationship is another separate lifelong topic.
- Falling in love can be as easy as falling out of love. It takes far more to maintain the relationship - or put it this way, depends on what sort of relationship you are looking for.
So yes we all deserved to be loved, but before anything, make sure you ask yourself: are you ready to fall in love? Is he equally ready?
k xoxo
To begin with, I think this is universally true - even for A hole! But a lot of times we tend to forget:
- It is a process to find the right person to fall in love with, it involves (1) time (2) effort (3) luck (4) faith
- Falling in love means open yourself and be vulnerable, and be ready to get hurt.
- Falling in love is easy but maintaining a relationship is another separate lifelong topic.
- Falling in love can be as easy as falling out of love. It takes far more to maintain the relationship - or put it this way, depends on what sort of relationship you are looking for.
So yes we all deserved to be loved, but before anything, make sure you ask yourself: are you ready to fall in love? Is he equally ready?
k xoxo
Friday, November 11, 2011
The Art of Dating Part Two - Be presentable
Dear ML,
I hope you did well with your study and exams (when it ends? It seems never ending)
I wrote about the art of dating some time ago, it is about time to go to part two - be presentable. Easy to say, hard to implement! How I see this is
1. Be presentable in appearance
It doesn't mean one needs to look like a model but at least clean and neat and presentable! There are actually a lot of minor things one can do (I am not exactly referring to plastic surgery!) but say basic makeup like eyeliner, mascara, blush and lip gloss can make one person look much better.
Trimming of hair cut and eye brows are prominent, same as the teeth - I cannot believe how many people do not take good care of their teeth! Go find a good dentist and visit him / her regularly. It is a big asset to have clean white teeth. Make sure you have no bad breath - floss / rinse / mints etc...
If you are out for dinner, make sure no debris in your teeth - high risk item: anything that is green and black sesame
Wear a friendly big smile, and make your date feel easy and comfortable.
2. Dress
In whatever occasion, dress appropriately. Do not over dress nor under dress (this is an art!). Let me quote you an example of not dressing appropriately:
Right just now M and I were having brunch and on the street there was a young girl having extremely short pair of jeans plus a pair of beige laced high heel shoes (not open toe). Bad, especially she does not have a good pair of legs. Sorry to be critical but if one dresses like that, it means you are inviting others to draw attention on you. As simple as that.
No need for a mother to tell you, only show off the parts that you are good at. If you don't know, experiment with your friends before going out.
As for dating, my rule of thumb is simple, dress something appropriate and make you feel comfortable. You won't prefer to have your mind to be distracted by say falling bra strap or falling tube dress, or uncomfortable shoes etc...
Special tips - to go a step further, if you wish, consider HIGH HEELS. It makes women feel sexy, and if needed you can "pretend" you need help on stairs~! It works every time hehe - but please make sure you feel comfortable with the heels first. If not stick with a nice pair of shoes.
3. Wear a perfume
I love perfume! I cannot live without it. I do think every girl should find her own perfume, fall in love with it and keep using. It represents you, make you feel special, build up your sensuality and impress guys (trust me)
:-)
Told you many times, women earn to buy cosmetics, perfumes, and clothing. Sad to say, in this world, first impression counts especially in the world of dating.
Always remember: when you are checking out on people, other people are equally checking out on you at the same time.
k xoxo
I hope you did well with your study and exams (when it ends? It seems never ending)
I wrote about the art of dating some time ago, it is about time to go to part two - be presentable. Easy to say, hard to implement! How I see this is
1. Be presentable in appearance
It doesn't mean one needs to look like a model but at least clean and neat and presentable! There are actually a lot of minor things one can do (I am not exactly referring to plastic surgery!) but say basic makeup like eyeliner, mascara, blush and lip gloss can make one person look much better.
Trimming of hair cut and eye brows are prominent, same as the teeth - I cannot believe how many people do not take good care of their teeth! Go find a good dentist and visit him / her regularly. It is a big asset to have clean white teeth. Make sure you have no bad breath - floss / rinse / mints etc...
If you are out for dinner, make sure no debris in your teeth - high risk item: anything that is green and black sesame
Wear a friendly big smile, and make your date feel easy and comfortable.
2. Dress
In whatever occasion, dress appropriately. Do not over dress nor under dress (this is an art!). Let me quote you an example of not dressing appropriately:
Right just now M and I were having brunch and on the street there was a young girl having extremely short pair of jeans plus a pair of beige laced high heel shoes (not open toe). Bad, especially she does not have a good pair of legs. Sorry to be critical but if one dresses like that, it means you are inviting others to draw attention on you. As simple as that.
No need for a mother to tell you, only show off the parts that you are good at. If you don't know, experiment with your friends before going out.
As for dating, my rule of thumb is simple, dress something appropriate and make you feel comfortable. You won't prefer to have your mind to be distracted by say falling bra strap or falling tube dress, or uncomfortable shoes etc...
Special tips - to go a step further, if you wish, consider HIGH HEELS. It makes women feel sexy, and if needed you can "pretend" you need help on stairs~! It works every time hehe - but please make sure you feel comfortable with the heels first. If not stick with a nice pair of shoes.
3. Wear a perfume
I love perfume! I cannot live without it. I do think every girl should find her own perfume, fall in love with it and keep using. It represents you, make you feel special, build up your sensuality and impress guys (trust me)
:-)
Told you many times, women earn to buy cosmetics, perfumes, and clothing. Sad to say, in this world, first impression counts especially in the world of dating.
Always remember: when you are checking out on people, other people are equally checking out on you at the same time.
k xoxo
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Why we girls love to check out our ex on Facebook???
Dear ML,
During our recent Facebook message exchange, we both sadly admit we still check out our ex on the Facebook via some common friend or even their current girlfriend despite they are no longer our "friends" on the Facebook.
Today I skype with my another girlfriend S who did the same.
It brought me to one question - WHY??
Are we just being nosey?
Do we have too much time to spare?
Aren't we not getting enough hurt?
Or deep inside despite how the A hole treated us, there is still little part of us who care about the A hole, and somehow wanna stay contact with him, be friends with him regardless of the geographical distance and how long ago the broke up took place?
WHY?
Because no one can erase the memory that we had together.
Because we do not want the memory between us to fade away.
Because somehow we are still expecting the A hole to do the same despite we know the chance is zero.
I think this just marks clearly the difference between men and women: when a man breaks up with a woman, he will tend to erase everything, pretend nothing happened, pretend we never met, pretend we are transparent when meet up, and not even a HI.
When a woman breaks up, we always want / expect us to be "friends" and even start to question "why we are not friends?" and then push ourselves into such a black hole of pain and sadness.
The answer is crystal clear - some A holes are simply not good enough to be our friends, not even worthwhile to deserve any of our time and attention. And it is time for we girls to learn from men: be a man, be picky, be choosey, and move on with our lives with heads up.
k xoxo
During our recent Facebook message exchange, we both sadly admit we still check out our ex on the Facebook via some common friend or even their current girlfriend despite they are no longer our "friends" on the Facebook.
Today I skype with my another girlfriend S who did the same.
It brought me to one question - WHY??
Are we just being nosey?
Do we have too much time to spare?
Aren't we not getting enough hurt?
Or deep inside despite how the A hole treated us, there is still little part of us who care about the A hole, and somehow wanna stay contact with him, be friends with him regardless of the geographical distance and how long ago the broke up took place?
WHY?
Because no one can erase the memory that we had together.
Because we do not want the memory between us to fade away.
Because somehow we are still expecting the A hole to do the same despite we know the chance is zero.
I think this just marks clearly the difference between men and women: when a man breaks up with a woman, he will tend to erase everything, pretend nothing happened, pretend we never met, pretend we are transparent when meet up, and not even a HI.
When a woman breaks up, we always want / expect us to be "friends" and even start to question "why we are not friends?" and then push ourselves into such a black hole of pain and sadness.
The answer is crystal clear - some A holes are simply not good enough to be our friends, not even worthwhile to deserve any of our time and attention. And it is time for we girls to learn from men: be a man, be picky, be choosey, and move on with our lives with heads up.
k xoxo
Ring shopping
Dear ML, dear E,
Thanks for feedback :) I know you guys are curious about the ring shopping. To begin with, throughout my love dating journey, sad to say nobody has given me any ring (not even a plastic one sob sob). Before I met M I had not said the 3 words (I L U) for years (to specify - my life was not without men but just not the right men).
Needless to say it was indeed a (very) big change for me to actually go ring shopping. I have never thought of it. I was the type of person with "marriage phobia", partly because I did not grow up in a loving and warm family.
I still remember when I arrived LA, M brought me a sack of paper inside a folder (he's the super organized type). He said "here are the things I plan to do, to go, to visit with you.... oh by the way, I have taken a look on the rings and printed out for you"
I was like "OMG" ~~ I still remember my immediate reaction was literally "OK I don't wanna look at it" as
(1) I cannot believe someone actually said that to me
(2) I am scared to death
Having said that, as time passed by, I gradually thought it may not be a bad idea. So I started to look at his printout, and started checking things online (Tiffany to begin with, of course!), and we spent 1 hour at the Diamond District downtown to check out the "real stuff".
And... to answer your question, no we have not bought anything but we know what we are looking for (something very subtle and elegant, I am too concerned if the ring got robbed!). He knows my ring size (which Uncle Sam said I actually got very thin finger).
Like what you said, there are so many gay men around, so many A holes around and the non-A hole ones may not be ready for anything but themselves. When you do meet a special non A hole who you love and he loves you more and you guys can get along and he is ready and happy to make such a commitment to you, why not have a thought and go for it?
k xoxo
Thanks for feedback :) I know you guys are curious about the ring shopping. To begin with, throughout my love dating journey, sad to say nobody has given me any ring (not even a plastic one sob sob). Before I met M I had not said the 3 words (I L U) for years (to specify - my life was not without men but just not the right men).
Needless to say it was indeed a (very) big change for me to actually go ring shopping. I have never thought of it. I was the type of person with "marriage phobia", partly because I did not grow up in a loving and warm family.
I still remember when I arrived LA, M brought me a sack of paper inside a folder (he's the super organized type). He said "here are the things I plan to do, to go, to visit with you.... oh by the way, I have taken a look on the rings and printed out for you"
I was like "OMG" ~~ I still remember my immediate reaction was literally "OK I don't wanna look at it" as
(1) I cannot believe someone actually said that to me
(2) I am scared to death
Having said that, as time passed by, I gradually thought it may not be a bad idea. So I started to look at his printout, and started checking things online (Tiffany to begin with, of course!), and we spent 1 hour at the Diamond District downtown to check out the "real stuff".
And... to answer your question, no we have not bought anything but we know what we are looking for (something very subtle and elegant, I am too concerned if the ring got robbed!). He knows my ring size (which Uncle Sam said I actually got very thin finger).
Like what you said, there are so many gay men around, so many A holes around and the non-A hole ones may not be ready for anything but themselves. When you do meet a special non A hole who you love and he loves you more and you guys can get along and he is ready and happy to make such a commitment to you, why not have a thought and go for it?
k xoxo
Monday, November 7, 2011
In response to Tom's "All the Single Ladies Put Your Hands Up" Post
Dear ML & g,
I hope you have spared some time to read through this terrific post!
1. So damn true that we girl meet up the wrong guy from the very beginning, someone who is an A hole, someone who is simply selfish and who cares more about himself, someone who doesn't know what he wants in life, or simply... someone who doesn't love you but just wanna an accompany for activities or sleeping buddy.
2. So damn true that one must be willing to suffer. It is not easy to tell an A hole from the very beginning. If we meet an A hole, we suffer. We cry lonely in bed to sleep (trust me, been there before). Assuming this is inevitable, the next question is "how we identify A hole" and "what we do if we meet an A hole"
3. So damn true of not giving up the faith. We must love ourselves first before someone loves us. We must treat ourselves with respect before someone treats us with respect.
4. So damn true in not settling for less. Why bother with how others see us or the senseless social labels attached to us? Why should we settle for less if we only deserve the best for respect, love and more?
5. So damn true in not going easy (hooking up). Your future husband or long term partner will not be interested in someone who hooks up easily. If you wanna have a ONS, fine. If you wanna have something serious, do not hook up easily.
6. So damn true in working out your own needs. How I see is sort out the qualities you are seeking in a stable loving partner. Be patient along the journey. Keep the guys radar on. Get yourself ready for your Mr. Right to come to your life. No one is perfect btw, be realistic and be ready to compromise.
When you are ready for the character how you wanna be in your love story: start preparing, start training (both physically and mentally). It is going to be a long journey, or "marathon" like what Tom said.
Be wise, be smart, be sexy, enjoy the ride and go with the flow.
k xoxo
I hope you have spared some time to read through this terrific post!
1. So damn true that we girl meet up the wrong guy from the very beginning, someone who is an A hole, someone who is simply selfish and who cares more about himself, someone who doesn't know what he wants in life, or simply... someone who doesn't love you but just wanna an accompany for activities or sleeping buddy.
2. So damn true that one must be willing to suffer. It is not easy to tell an A hole from the very beginning. If we meet an A hole, we suffer. We cry lonely in bed to sleep (trust me, been there before). Assuming this is inevitable, the next question is "how we identify A hole" and "what we do if we meet an A hole"
3. So damn true of not giving up the faith. We must love ourselves first before someone loves us. We must treat ourselves with respect before someone treats us with respect.
4. So damn true in not settling for less. Why bother with how others see us or the senseless social labels attached to us? Why should we settle for less if we only deserve the best for respect, love and more?
5. So damn true in not going easy (hooking up). Your future husband or long term partner will not be interested in someone who hooks up easily. If you wanna have a ONS, fine. If you wanna have something serious, do not hook up easily.
6. So damn true in working out your own needs. How I see is sort out the qualities you are seeking in a stable loving partner. Be patient along the journey. Keep the guys radar on. Get yourself ready for your Mr. Right to come to your life. No one is perfect btw, be realistic and be ready to compromise.
When you are ready for the character how you wanna be in your love story: start preparing, start training (both physically and mentally). It is going to be a long journey, or "marathon" like what Tom said.
Be wise, be smart, be sexy, enjoy the ride and go with the flow.
k xoxo
Time change
Dear ML,
California had the time change to Pacific Standard Time at 2 am Sunday. Without much jargon it simply means the clock was pushed back 1 hour slower. I experienced this "historical moment" as I was on internet or something. Simply put by 2 am everything was changed to 1 am, including the clock on my laptop. Of course not every clock changes automatically (say the wrist watch)
I never have this sort of thing in my life. It makes me realize one thing - what is time? Is it something just simply subject to our definition? Or more importantly how we spend our time?
While I had 25 hours on that day, another day passed. I had a nice, quiet day with M as usual, my best friend gave birth to the most beautiful newborn baby I have seen. The sky goes darker earlier now. It is also cooler now compared to 2 months ago when I first arrived LA.
Whether we like it or not, the world won't stop. Everyone goes on with their lives.
While we have been (or had been) still moaning why we continue to care about our stupid ex, time do flies no matter what. Would it be better if we stop doing something, say being angry with ourselves or the jerk, trying to understand what happened or why it happened (like what R did to you, or B to me) etc.... and do something more constructive say have things thrown behind our back and move on with our lives?
It is simply because nothing much will change the outcome. Echoed with Tom's "Single Lady" post, we are doomed to experience pain. We are doomed to meet A hole(s) in the journey of life. If we do, and if we confirm someone to be an A hole to us, we should know what to do for the best interests of ourselves.
Seriously, do you think the A hole(s) will care that someone out there 10,000 km away still care / concern about them? This is like an investment with confirmed zero or negative ROI right from the very beginning.
Stop loss. And stop loss starting TODAY.
k xoxo
California had the time change to Pacific Standard Time at 2 am Sunday. Without much jargon it simply means the clock was pushed back 1 hour slower. I experienced this "historical moment" as I was on internet or something. Simply put by 2 am everything was changed to 1 am, including the clock on my laptop. Of course not every clock changes automatically (say the wrist watch)
I never have this sort of thing in my life. It makes me realize one thing - what is time? Is it something just simply subject to our definition? Or more importantly how we spend our time?
While I had 25 hours on that day, another day passed. I had a nice, quiet day with M as usual, my best friend gave birth to the most beautiful newborn baby I have seen. The sky goes darker earlier now. It is also cooler now compared to 2 months ago when I first arrived LA.
Whether we like it or not, the world won't stop. Everyone goes on with their lives.
While we have been (or had been) still moaning why we continue to care about our stupid ex, time do flies no matter what. Would it be better if we stop doing something, say being angry with ourselves or the jerk, trying to understand what happened or why it happened (like what R did to you, or B to me) etc.... and do something more constructive say have things thrown behind our back and move on with our lives?
It is simply because nothing much will change the outcome. Echoed with Tom's "Single Lady" post, we are doomed to experience pain. We are doomed to meet A hole(s) in the journey of life. If we do, and if we confirm someone to be an A hole to us, we should know what to do for the best interests of ourselves.
Seriously, do you think the A hole(s) will care that someone out there 10,000 km away still care / concern about them? This is like an investment with confirmed zero or negative ROI right from the very beginning.
Stop loss. And stop loss starting TODAY.
k xoxo
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Tom's Old Blog Post
Dear ML and G,
I was re-reading Tom's old blog post just now "All the Single Ladies Put Your Hands Up"... Too late to share my view now (a lot to share!) but please read his post (and if you have time, those who left comments as well)
More later
k xoxo
I was re-reading Tom's old blog post just now "All the Single Ladies Put Your Hands Up"... Too late to share my view now (a lot to share!) but please read his post (and if you have time, those who left comments as well)
More later
k xoxo
The Art of Dating Part One - Have a quirky little dirty joke
Dear ML,
I won't claim myself to be any expert but after SO many relationship failure, one thing I do admit. I love dating, I love the process of interacting with another person with interests in exploring, communicating and simply getting to know each other better (note: but not hooking up)
More tips on dating to follow but one thing I wanna point out first before forget - have a quirky little dirty joke in the pocket. You never know when you need it. Am happy to share any when I come across as these jokes are not easy to find.
For me, the key criteria for such jokes are:
- Simple so that you remember the details
- Got slightly dirty but humor effect
Here's one that I read in July / August Esquire Magazine recently:
An old man was asked to submit sperm specimen. When he came back to the doc, he said "Doc, I tried with my right hand. It didn't work. I tried with my left hand. It didn't work. I asked my wife to help, didn't work either. I even asked my young neighbor to help, but it didn't work out."
Doctor exclaimed "what?! You asked your neighbor for help?"
Old man replied "yes... none of us could open the jar"
The story actually reminded me of the apricot and almond jam handmade by my dear 89 year old friend Robert... The jar was extremely difficult to open!
k xoxo
PS: the above joke didn't mean to infringe any copyright of anyone
I won't claim myself to be any expert but after SO many relationship failure, one thing I do admit. I love dating, I love the process of interacting with another person with interests in exploring, communicating and simply getting to know each other better (note: but not hooking up)
More tips on dating to follow but one thing I wanna point out first before forget - have a quirky little dirty joke in the pocket. You never know when you need it. Am happy to share any when I come across as these jokes are not easy to find.
For me, the key criteria for such jokes are:
- Simple so that you remember the details
- Got slightly dirty but humor effect
Here's one that I read in July / August Esquire Magazine recently:
An old man was asked to submit sperm specimen. When he came back to the doc, he said "Doc, I tried with my right hand. It didn't work. I tried with my left hand. It didn't work. I asked my wife to help, didn't work either. I even asked my young neighbor to help, but it didn't work out."
Doctor exclaimed "what?! You asked your neighbor for help?"
Old man replied "yes... none of us could open the jar"
The story actually reminded me of the apricot and almond jam handmade by my dear 89 year old friend Robert... The jar was extremely difficult to open!
k xoxo
PS: the above joke didn't mean to infringe any copyright of anyone
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