Dearest ML,
Everyday we make endless decisions. I guess one of the keys is to make a decision after evaluating realistic facts.
Echoing my previous blog post, if there is no hope in finding love in a hopeless place, why not go somewhere else? The world is not hopeless. Hong Kong is hopeless in that aspect only doesn't mean the rest of the world is like that.
And right now I am in the junction of what to do with my life. I have a lot of ideas yet I am not sure if any of them will work out. But I think the key is it really does not matter. Life is a journey. Assuming the destination for everyone is the same (I mean death - not heaven or hell) then what matters most is the journey itself.
We can all take lead to steer how our life to be, and you pointed it out exactly. So, yes I will spend some time on the Tibet trip and evaluate possibilities. I think it will be awesome.
k xoxo
Monday, January 16, 2012
We Found Love (in a hopeless place)
Dearest ML,
Thanks for sharing with me this song by Rihanna & the lyrics. Did you watch the video (also in the same link), its all about sex / lust, drugs and death (?)
Of course this is just a song / MV but I would not expect to find love in a hopeless place, which is a major reason why I went to the States.
You mentioned that what I wrote about Hong Kong and the dating scene of expats is true. If so what is the point of still "hoping" to find love in a hopeless place? This is totally self-contradictory.
This brought me to think - we girls do have a tendency to have dreams, the dreams of something may / will happen (say for example find love in hopeless place). But if we all know the chance is slim (to very slim), then what's the point of still having this hope?
Yes I agree we should all have hope(s), but at the same time, need to control our hopes so that we are able to manage our expectations realistically.
You mentioned to me you have / had a hope that by your age now you will find a boyfriend / get engaged / be successful in your career. I just wanna add - do not put a age limit on your hope. This is totally unnecessary. The more you think about it, the more you will be disappointed by an imaginary age limit which does no good but give unnecessary pressure onto yourself.
Likewise a lot of girls in Hong Kong do have a tendency to think like that, say "oh I need to get married by 30 and have kids". Stop it. The more you think about it, the more you will have a tendency of rushing into marriage and end up having even more problems.
And like what I said before finding a BF / get engaged may not be the solution but beginning of more problems. Who knows? May be this is part of my hesitation with M (not sex, silly!). I told you on email I am not used to believe in marriage. I do not think it will work in sustaining any relationship. But rather it is more on the mental issue - "are you ready to spend the rest of life with this person in spite of the death, illness and all difficulties and resist all temptations". The wedding vow should not be just a sentence spoken at the wedding ceremony, it is a "mandate" that should be honored with or without the wedding certificate. Of course the wedding certificate does have its purpose (say legal status and thus tax issues etc) but I would see more on the issue "am I ready to honor the mandate yet?"
If the answer is "not yet", then probably I should not accept any ring.
Yes it has been half a year of transition. Life is full of transition. I am undergoing it, you are as well. I think there are a few principles that I will try to stick with, do my best, and see what fate has arranged for us.
Good luck with your exam, I really hope you can make it this time!!!
k xoxo
PS - I have been re-reading your email you wrote "I guess I just wished I had the comfort of a boyfriend who could help me to feel like I can accomplish and do/be anything and he would back me up". On 2nd thought, M actually does give me this sense of feeling. I told him before he is like my cheerleader who supports me and feels like I can accomplish anything I would like to do, and not to mention he does provide such an environment on this. So this should be a big plus side :)
Thanks for sharing with me this song by Rihanna & the lyrics. Did you watch the video (also in the same link), its all about sex / lust, drugs and death (?)
Of course this is just a song / MV but I would not expect to find love in a hopeless place, which is a major reason why I went to the States.
You mentioned that what I wrote about Hong Kong and the dating scene of expats is true. If so what is the point of still "hoping" to find love in a hopeless place? This is totally self-contradictory.
This brought me to think - we girls do have a tendency to have dreams, the dreams of something may / will happen (say for example find love in hopeless place). But if we all know the chance is slim (to very slim), then what's the point of still having this hope?
Yes I agree we should all have hope(s), but at the same time, need to control our hopes so that we are able to manage our expectations realistically.
You mentioned to me you have / had a hope that by your age now you will find a boyfriend / get engaged / be successful in your career. I just wanna add - do not put a age limit on your hope. This is totally unnecessary. The more you think about it, the more you will be disappointed by an imaginary age limit which does no good but give unnecessary pressure onto yourself.
Likewise a lot of girls in Hong Kong do have a tendency to think like that, say "oh I need to get married by 30 and have kids". Stop it. The more you think about it, the more you will have a tendency of rushing into marriage and end up having even more problems.
And like what I said before finding a BF / get engaged may not be the solution but beginning of more problems. Who knows? May be this is part of my hesitation with M (not sex, silly!). I told you on email I am not used to believe in marriage. I do not think it will work in sustaining any relationship. But rather it is more on the mental issue - "are you ready to spend the rest of life with this person in spite of the death, illness and all difficulties and resist all temptations". The wedding vow should not be just a sentence spoken at the wedding ceremony, it is a "mandate" that should be honored with or without the wedding certificate. Of course the wedding certificate does have its purpose (say legal status and thus tax issues etc) but I would see more on the issue "am I ready to honor the mandate yet?"
If the answer is "not yet", then probably I should not accept any ring.
Yes it has been half a year of transition. Life is full of transition. I am undergoing it, you are as well. I think there are a few principles that I will try to stick with, do my best, and see what fate has arranged for us.
Good luck with your exam, I really hope you can make it this time!!!
k xoxo
PS - I have been re-reading your email you wrote "I guess I just wished I had the comfort of a boyfriend who could help me to feel like I can accomplish and do/be anything and he would back me up". On 2nd thought, M actually does give me this sense of feeling. I told him before he is like my cheerleader who supports me and feels like I can accomplish anything I would like to do, and not to mention he does provide such an environment on this. So this should be a big plus side :)
Friday, January 6, 2012
"I'd rather be alone"
Dearest ML,
On 2nd thought, I think I will write a blog post on this.
This is the line that B said on that night as breakup reason in spite we did not have much argument etc... It just came out of nowhere.
Like what I wrote previously, I found it is just a complete BS and what makes me feel resentful as of today. It is a statement that also reflects his selfishness, immaturity and insensitivity and how he sees me as a dump ass.
Regardless, the purpose of my blog post is... if you ever wanna breakup with someone, please do not use this line. It brings so much pain and sorrow to the other party.
Like everything else, breakup does need a bit of "marketing" and packaging to minimize the hurt and damage.
k xoxo
On 2nd thought, I think I will write a blog post on this.
This is the line that B said on that night as breakup reason in spite we did not have much argument etc... It just came out of nowhere.
Like what I wrote previously, I found it is just a complete BS and what makes me feel resentful as of today. It is a statement that also reflects his selfishness, immaturity and insensitivity and how he sees me as a dump ass.
Regardless, the purpose of my blog post is... if you ever wanna breakup with someone, please do not use this line. It brings so much pain and sorrow to the other party.
Like everything else, breakup does need a bit of "marketing" and packaging to minimize the hurt and damage.
k xoxo
Relationship with A Future
Dearest ML,
Thanks for sharing with me the updates with R and your ex. I wrote in another email reply to my friend S on how I see relationship now - I prefer to have a relationship with a future.
Your romance with R is full of passion but for whatever reasons it ended up short. I sort of joked about my romance history that I can write a book about it hehe. Nothing to brag about but I had those days with a relationship like that, so much indulgence, full of passion etc but no future. Maybe it was me not ready to settle down. But the norm of dating expats in Hong Kong is... they seldom talk about future. They never see Hong Kong as their home / place to stay for long term. How can you expect someone like that, in a "transitional phase" to make any commitment?
I realize we all have different chapters in life, with different focuses. And guys, are more like ornaments. It is good to have them, but it is OK not to have them because they are "ornaments" but not necessity. What is more important is our believes, our values, and how we see ourselves.
You asked me how I settle in US life. I can say I enjoy it a lot. Last night I had a brief discussion with M, I think he has made me a happier person. He is more like a cheerleader to me, to support me emotionally, and give me room to fulfill my dreams. And our relationship is a relationship with future - I "sort of" know where we are heading to and nothing like what I had in the past where the guy may just dump you in one second and said "I prefer to be alone" (on hindsight such a BS and this is part of the reason why I still feel resentment for him).
Another reason I guess is living in the States where I have less things to worry about compared to Hong Kong, and not to mention a "better" environment with less pollution and people!
But of course the "location" is not exactly the main point - the key is the place where you can find happiness, where you can find meaning in whatever you are doing.
So in my next chapter of life, I guess this relationship is going to play a bit of part. Even though I see guys are ornaments, it is still good to have one when you find a good one :)
k xoxo
Thanks for sharing with me the updates with R and your ex. I wrote in another email reply to my friend S on how I see relationship now - I prefer to have a relationship with a future.
Your romance with R is full of passion but for whatever reasons it ended up short. I sort of joked about my romance history that I can write a book about it hehe. Nothing to brag about but I had those days with a relationship like that, so much indulgence, full of passion etc but no future. Maybe it was me not ready to settle down. But the norm of dating expats in Hong Kong is... they seldom talk about future. They never see Hong Kong as their home / place to stay for long term. How can you expect someone like that, in a "transitional phase" to make any commitment?
I realize we all have different chapters in life, with different focuses. And guys, are more like ornaments. It is good to have them, but it is OK not to have them because they are "ornaments" but not necessity. What is more important is our believes, our values, and how we see ourselves.
You asked me how I settle in US life. I can say I enjoy it a lot. Last night I had a brief discussion with M, I think he has made me a happier person. He is more like a cheerleader to me, to support me emotionally, and give me room to fulfill my dreams. And our relationship is a relationship with future - I "sort of" know where we are heading to and nothing like what I had in the past where the guy may just dump you in one second and said "I prefer to be alone" (on hindsight such a BS and this is part of the reason why I still feel resentment for him).
Another reason I guess is living in the States where I have less things to worry about compared to Hong Kong, and not to mention a "better" environment with less pollution and people!
But of course the "location" is not exactly the main point - the key is the place where you can find happiness, where you can find meaning in whatever you are doing.
So in my next chapter of life, I guess this relationship is going to play a bit of part. Even though I see guys are ornaments, it is still good to have one when you find a good one :)
k xoxo
De-facebook
Dearest ML,
Funny that you brought up the topic about Facebook in our last email and that you are spending much less time on it. On the contrary, I found myself spending comparatively more time on it in view I have been in the States. It is indeed a good way to stay in touch with friends but there are certain aspects that I dislike about Facebook -
1. Privacy - I value my privacy and I would not prefer to disclose everything on that platform.
2. And you do bring up one good point - comparison. Am I comparing my life with others on Facebook even unconsciously? You know my facebook I check it but I seldom make new posting. So in a way I do know how others are doing, how my ex is having a great time with his GF etc... And not to mention a lot of my high school / uni-mates are married with kids now with a few more babies on the way. So I have to ask myself - do I have any benefit from "peeking" into others' life?
3. I'd appreciate a more in-depth approach to my genuine friends whereas I do not see how I can benefit from leaving note / 1 line on their wall?
I cannot agree with you more that Facebook can be toxic. I know people start to de-facebook for various reasons. Some of my friends never have Facebook and they still survive! So maybe I will do that one day, but for the time being, I know I am not yet ready and prefer to leave the status quo.
k xoxo
Funny that you brought up the topic about Facebook in our last email and that you are spending much less time on it. On the contrary, I found myself spending comparatively more time on it in view I have been in the States. It is indeed a good way to stay in touch with friends but there are certain aspects that I dislike about Facebook -
1. Privacy - I value my privacy and I would not prefer to disclose everything on that platform.
2. And you do bring up one good point - comparison. Am I comparing my life with others on Facebook even unconsciously? You know my facebook I check it but I seldom make new posting. So in a way I do know how others are doing, how my ex is having a great time with his GF etc... And not to mention a lot of my high school / uni-mates are married with kids now with a few more babies on the way. So I have to ask myself - do I have any benefit from "peeking" into others' life?
3. I'd appreciate a more in-depth approach to my genuine friends whereas I do not see how I can benefit from leaving note / 1 line on their wall?
I cannot agree with you more that Facebook can be toxic. I know people start to de-facebook for various reasons. Some of my friends never have Facebook and they still survive! So maybe I will do that one day, but for the time being, I know I am not yet ready and prefer to leave the status quo.
k xoxo
Monday, January 2, 2012
Used Furniture Theory
Dearest ML,
Like my whatsapp discussed, what if we see our ex as "used furniture"?
Then -
1. He is an object. It is not necessary to attach too much emotions onto "it".
2. What if he is dating somebody else? He is an "used furniture" and I do not want "it" / it doesn't fit me anymore. Please feel free to take it & make use of it.
Seriously, I only wish I could have realized this a little bit earlier. Then I guess I can omit quite a bit of sorrow and unhappiness for that piece of "used furniture".
Revelation is - at the end of the day it all depends on our interpretation. And a smart girl will interpret the story in an angle that causes less pain and emotional distress.
k xoxo
Like my whatsapp discussed, what if we see our ex as "used furniture"?
Then -
1. He is an object. It is not necessary to attach too much emotions onto "it".
2. What if he is dating somebody else? He is an "used furniture" and I do not want "it" / it doesn't fit me anymore. Please feel free to take it & make use of it.
Seriously, I only wish I could have realized this a little bit earlier. Then I guess I can omit quite a bit of sorrow and unhappiness for that piece of "used furniture".
Revelation is - at the end of the day it all depends on our interpretation. And a smart girl will interpret the story in an angle that causes less pain and emotional distress.
k xoxo
Our past
Dearest ML,
Thanks for sharing your story with me on whatsapp earlier.
There are a few points I'd like to get back to you in more details on your story.
1. We all have some unpleasant personal history that we hope it may be erased by pressing a button or using an eraser. It can be a nude topless photo in bath tub while we were a kid, or a really ugly photo in an incredibly ugly outfit / haircut (or both), or some dishonest cheating in schools or some harsh comments we made knowingly or unknowingly to our friends, or some inglorious stupid mistakes that we made.
For me, it is all of the above.
I think it is important to accept what happened without any prejudice or anger or regret. It is simply a (small) chapter in the journey of life, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.
The important part is to learn from our mistake.
Only when we are able to completely accept we are for who we are and accept what happened without shame and guilt, we will be able to move on.
2. You mentioned some girlfriends did not like you. For whatever reasons behind this, again this is inevitable. Some people dislike you because you are dumb, because you are mean, because you are sweaty and stink, because you are overweight, or because you are smart and beautiful and everyone likes you.
We are not exactly in a beauty pageant competition running for Ms Friendly crown. It is just fairly common that some people dislike others or do not get along well, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.
3. As far as dating situation goes, what if some of his friends do not like you? The answer is fairly simple. Remember who you are dating with: him or his friends?
As long as you did nothing wrong, you live by your conscience, morals, standards and values, I think this is pretty sufficient.
How others see you is irrelevant, it is how you see yourself that counts more.
k xoxo
Thanks for sharing your story with me on whatsapp earlier.
There are a few points I'd like to get back to you in more details on your story.
1. We all have some unpleasant personal history that we hope it may be erased by pressing a button or using an eraser. It can be a nude topless photo in bath tub while we were a kid, or a really ugly photo in an incredibly ugly outfit / haircut (or both), or some dishonest cheating in schools or some harsh comments we made knowingly or unknowingly to our friends, or some inglorious stupid mistakes that we made.
For me, it is all of the above.
I think it is important to accept what happened without any prejudice or anger or regret. It is simply a (small) chapter in the journey of life, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.
The important part is to learn from our mistake.
Only when we are able to completely accept we are for who we are and accept what happened without shame and guilt, we will be able to move on.
2. You mentioned some girlfriends did not like you. For whatever reasons behind this, again this is inevitable. Some people dislike you because you are dumb, because you are mean, because you are sweaty and stink, because you are overweight, or because you are smart and beautiful and everyone likes you.
We are not exactly in a beauty pageant competition running for Ms Friendly crown. It is just fairly common that some people dislike others or do not get along well, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.
3. As far as dating situation goes, what if some of his friends do not like you? The answer is fairly simple. Remember who you are dating with: him or his friends?
As long as you did nothing wrong, you live by your conscience, morals, standards and values, I think this is pretty sufficient.
How others see you is irrelevant, it is how you see yourself that counts more.
k xoxo
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