Dearest ML
By pure coincidence I met a new friend recently. Actually he met my parents first in a tour and my mom thought he should be introduced to my best friend (who is a very decent girl but has been single for a long time) and asked me for 'help'.
I always wanna "help" my friend. I have no idea why she has difficulty in meeting guys as she is a very decent person with nice personality and look. So I gladly accepted this assignment.
But before anything I feel like I should meet up with this guy first at least to understand a bit more about him.
So we had a coffee and some chats on phone. It turned out he is also very decent and "normal" with a decent but busy job (who doesn't in Hong Kong?). We clicked instantly as friends. It is kinda weird as in front of him I do feel like I am like a "big sister" and kind of bossy with a lot of opinions but in reality... I may be but I am never like this in front of M. I am still figuring out why LOL
Anyway the key is not exactly about me and him but more about him and my friend. So I arranged a dinner meet up last night.
I feel like a healthy relationship should better begin with friendship (unless you are meeting someone in club). So it turned out last night was successful. It seemed we all had a great time. My friend did not know anything about the whole purpose of the meeting as I do not want to scare her off. However my mom has been asking me if I have arranged them to meet up all the times and made me annoyed LOL
So what I observe is from my friend I think I can figure out why guys may not think her as "attractive". There should be just something a little bit more apart from "being decent and presentable and normal". I think the key is one should always bear in mind the art of dating. Simply put there are a few rules from my own experience:
Rule 1 - always keep guy radar on. Very important.
Rule 2 - always keep yourself presentable and attractive and in good shape as you never know who you will bump into (my friend was not wearing any make up at all!)
Rule 3 - always keep yourself informed on what is happening in the world and make yourself to be sociable and knowledgeable. There is a term I invented recently - never be a social retard.
Rule 4 - know yourself and amplify your strengths in interaction. I believe everyone is different. Some may be playful, some may be humorous, some may be more caring, some may be more organized etc... It really does not matter. The key is how to present yourself in front of other people, especially in front of a potential date. You have to know what your selling point(s) are and then amplify them so as to make yourself attractive to others. Whether he likes it or not it really does not matter but I do believe the important point is having a distinctive character that makes you stand out from others.
Rule 5 - know how to be a woman but not a girl. We are getting older and presumably we should get more matured. No guys would like to date a girl. So think how to become more matured. Social skills is one key aspect. Be knowledgeable is another key.
Rule 6 - most importantly have a bit of sexuality. It is quite hard to define this but in short know how to flirt and be playful at the right time, and give out the right subtle signals if you like someone. Girls should always be a bit more proactive in asking guys out. No harm in that. Make use of the mutual friend to arrange some more activities. If he is smart, he should be able to pick it up. Likewise guys should learn to be a bit more proactive in asking girls out. Well a lot do but a lot seem to need a "consultant" to suggest how to proceed.
Rule 7 - enjoy the meeting. Even if he is a dork it is just a meeting of 1-2 hours. Just enjoy the process.
Happy dating :-)
k xoxo
Friday, February 24, 2012
Fillens
Dearest ML,
Congrats again on passing and yeah no more exams and study :P
I came across a magazine called Fillens long ago. It is a bi-monthly magazine in Hong Kong that targets at amateur female photographer readership. You were in Hong Kong before you may be aware how big camera is so popular here (something that I cannot see in US, the Americans are more crazy about sports LOL)
I did not read Fillens at that time until today when I came around it in my favorite columnist on newspaper. She wrote about how girls are using photography to express their feelings, as a medium to improve communication with their significant others, and most importantly as a sign of independence.
We are both into photographs (though you are more professional than I am!). Take a look at Fillens when you have time. Fillens is actually a combo of "Fille" (French word of girl) and "lens". Meaningful huh?
They got some really good pics. I glanced through the columnists but they are just so-so. Anyway cannot expect too much, like everything else in life :-)
k xoxo
Congrats again on passing and yeah no more exams and study :P
I came across a magazine called Fillens long ago. It is a bi-monthly magazine in Hong Kong that targets at amateur female photographer readership. You were in Hong Kong before you may be aware how big camera is so popular here (something that I cannot see in US, the Americans are more crazy about sports LOL)
I did not read Fillens at that time until today when I came around it in my favorite columnist on newspaper. She wrote about how girls are using photography to express their feelings, as a medium to improve communication with their significant others, and most importantly as a sign of independence.
We are both into photographs (though you are more professional than I am!). Take a look at Fillens when you have time. Fillens is actually a combo of "Fille" (French word of girl) and "lens". Meaningful huh?
They got some really good pics. I glanced through the columnists but they are just so-so. Anyway cannot expect too much, like everything else in life :-)
k xoxo
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Friendship
Dearest ML,
I am in a bit of doubt in figuring out "friendship". I am not sure if it is my problem now but I found "friends" are pretty reluctant to meet me up. I am trying not to take it personally but it seems everyone seems so busy, especially in Hong Kong.
And what is worst is even if we agree to meet up (kinda like "oh let's touch base today to see how we feel") and this is the exact reaction that I dislike, as I know we are not going to meet up for sure.
Right now I am still enjoying my very free time before heading back to US to meet M, I can for sure understand why others are so busy (or put it this way why I am so un-busy). So maybe that is why their reaction triggers a lot of "reaction" from me.
Not sure if you have any thoughts on this?
k xoxo
I am in a bit of doubt in figuring out "friendship". I am not sure if it is my problem now but I found "friends" are pretty reluctant to meet me up. I am trying not to take it personally but it seems everyone seems so busy, especially in Hong Kong.
And what is worst is even if we agree to meet up (kinda like "oh let's touch base today to see how we feel") and this is the exact reaction that I dislike, as I know we are not going to meet up for sure.
Right now I am still enjoying my very free time before heading back to US to meet M, I can for sure understand why others are so busy (or put it this way why I am so un-busy). So maybe that is why their reaction triggers a lot of "reaction" from me.
Not sure if you have any thoughts on this?
k xoxo
Monday, February 13, 2012
Lin-sanity
Dearest ML,
Everyone in Hong Kong / China is talking about Jeremy Lin. I am not exactly a NBA fans but am equally intrigued by his story, and how he made it to his success today.
There are already tons of articles on this, but here is the one that I think is so meaningful:
10 Lessons Jeremy Lin Can Teach Us Before We Go to Work Monday
Summarizing the key points from the article -
1. Believe in yourself when nobody does
2. Seize the opportunity when it comes up
3. Your family will be there for you, so be there for them
4. Find the system that works your style, particularly you’ve got to do your best to understand what your strengths are and then ensure that you’re in a system (a job or organization or industry) that is a good fit for those strengths.
5. Don't overlook talent that might exist around you today on your team (to me it means make no assumption)
6. Be yourself - I truly agree with the author, Judy Garland said it best "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."
7. Stay humble, it will make people love you more
8. Make others look good
9. Never forget the importance of luck or fate and be grateful
10. Work your butt off - "there is simply no shortcut to hard work" and "you can only control what you control and that means you've got to work harder than anyone else you know"
You know what? The above should really be printed and put it next to my bed so that I can keep reminding myself every night and every morning!
Finally I think you will like this one - from an article on NY Times on Lin:
(from Romans 5:3-5):
k xoxo
Everyone in Hong Kong / China is talking about Jeremy Lin. I am not exactly a NBA fans but am equally intrigued by his story, and how he made it to his success today.
There are already tons of articles on this, but here is the one that I think is so meaningful:
10 Lessons Jeremy Lin Can Teach Us Before We Go to Work Monday
Summarizing the key points from the article -
1. Believe in yourself when nobody does
2. Seize the opportunity when it comes up
3. Your family will be there for you, so be there for them
4. Find the system that works your style, particularly you’ve got to do your best to understand what your strengths are and then ensure that you’re in a system (a job or organization or industry) that is a good fit for those strengths.
5. Don't overlook talent that might exist around you today on your team (to me it means make no assumption)
6. Be yourself - I truly agree with the author, Judy Garland said it best "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."
7. Stay humble, it will make people love you more
8. Make others look good
9. Never forget the importance of luck or fate and be grateful
10. Work your butt off - "there is simply no shortcut to hard work" and "you can only control what you control and that means you've got to work harder than anyone else you know"
You know what? The above should really be printed and put it next to my bed so that I can keep reminding myself every night and every morning!
Finally I think you will like this one - from an article on NY Times on Lin:
(from Romans 5:3-5):
suffering produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Cafe Kai Xin Guo
Dearest ML,
Finally with feet back to Hong Kong and time on the blog. Read newspaper on the flight about Cafe Kai Xin Guo which is cafe on Chinese Tea opened and operated by a 35 years old Japanese. It was an inspiring interview in which he is a Japanese in love with the Chinese language and culture. So he wanna do something that can promote the cultural exchange between Chinese and Japanese and decided to study Chinese as his second language when in university.
Upon graduation, he spent some time to figure out what he wants to do, and decided to write down his qualities one by one (say outgoing, like to talk to people, in love with Chinese culture etc...), about 100 of them and then consolidated... and created this cafe in Shanghai that literally fits in his interests and what he is passionate about.
Then I realized - hey we can do a similar exercise like this. Stop complaining about the (damn) work as we can all participate to create our own work, regardless it is part-time or full time.
Life is only beautiful when we have a dream and passion and try our best to implement our goals.
Going to Whistler is actually one of my dreams. I am so happy that I have made it. Every year I try to travel to one place that I really wanna go. So right now it is time to recuperate, focus on my income stream and... work out my next destination list!
k xoxo
Finally with feet back to Hong Kong and time on the blog. Read newspaper on the flight about Cafe Kai Xin Guo which is cafe on Chinese Tea opened and operated by a 35 years old Japanese. It was an inspiring interview in which he is a Japanese in love with the Chinese language and culture. So he wanna do something that can promote the cultural exchange between Chinese and Japanese and decided to study Chinese as his second language when in university.
Upon graduation, he spent some time to figure out what he wants to do, and decided to write down his qualities one by one (say outgoing, like to talk to people, in love with Chinese culture etc...), about 100 of them and then consolidated... and created this cafe in Shanghai that literally fits in his interests and what he is passionate about.
Then I realized - hey we can do a similar exercise like this. Stop complaining about the (damn) work as we can all participate to create our own work, regardless it is part-time or full time.
Life is only beautiful when we have a dream and passion and try our best to implement our goals.
Going to Whistler is actually one of my dreams. I am so happy that I have made it. Every year I try to travel to one place that I really wanna go. So right now it is time to recuperate, focus on my income stream and... work out my next destination list!
k xoxo
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Work
Dearest ML,
A stupid question to ask - do you think we really have to "work"? Work meaning to have a job and get a pay check, despite you may face ridiculous and unreasonable boss, despite you may not learn anything new from the routine job.
My parents thought I need to work. To me work is more like generating income and ideally accumulate wealth. If I can generate sufficient income to support my daily expenses and assuming this is something that I enjoy doing, do you think we still need to work?
And life is not exactly about "money" or "wealth". We can be poor but do something we truly enjoy or bring meaning to others. If so, what's the point of "work"?
I do not foresee going back to the corporate world for the time being. I enjoy my freedom, I enjoy taking risks, I enjoy doing something that bring benefits back to the community. And honestly my family is not under any financial pressure, I do not understand why they insist I need to "work".
Your view please?
k xoxo
A stupid question to ask - do you think we really have to "work"? Work meaning to have a job and get a pay check, despite you may face ridiculous and unreasonable boss, despite you may not learn anything new from the routine job.
My parents thought I need to work. To me work is more like generating income and ideally accumulate wealth. If I can generate sufficient income to support my daily expenses and assuming this is something that I enjoy doing, do you think we still need to work?
And life is not exactly about "money" or "wealth". We can be poor but do something we truly enjoy or bring meaning to others. If so, what's the point of "work"?
I do not foresee going back to the corporate world for the time being. I enjoy my freedom, I enjoy taking risks, I enjoy doing something that bring benefits back to the community. And honestly my family is not under any financial pressure, I do not understand why they insist I need to "work".
Your view please?
k xoxo
Monday, January 23, 2012
Letting go and getting strong
Dearest ML,
Thanks for your long email! I finally have time to respond and summarized what I wrote to you on whatsapp.
R wrote you something on Facebook. You replied, then you got his short reply. Then you were upset by his short reply, and all the memories flooded back. Did you see any pattern in this and WHY you were upset?
Could it have been your over-expectation on him - that you expect him to feel for you in the same degree as you do?
I can certainly understand your frustration on his reply. What a jerk! But what else can you expect from him? What you had with him is the end, finished. Like what I suggested, try practice selective memory. Hold the good memories and let go of the bad ones. Remember the bad memories do no good to your well being. Keep saying your brain is small, you got your study to do may help as well :)
Likewise, my memory for B is fading. And it took me more than one year to do so. There is really no short cut in this. I wish there were some button for letting go once and for all. It is a gradual process. with no short cut. When you do let go, you may be surprised how much time it takes, or how much little time it takes.
And next time if R approaches you again, DO NOT REPLY. Do not give him any sort of feedback. Let him speculate. If a guy is interested in you, he will approach you again. And this is really true. Guys in Hong Kong have been surrounded by "aggressive" ladies and almost forgot this golden rule. It is the time for you to sit back, and prioritize what you really want to do in your life.
I am also sorry to hear about your unhappiness story with your last job in Hong Kong. Being cheated is definitely not good. Being bad mouth behind your back is worst. But one thing you have to realize - both incidents are out of your control. You cannot control how people feel about you, how they talk about you (even after you left). The key is to control what you can control.
In this universe there is one person you need to come clean with, and this is yourself. Take time to reflect if there is any area you may have handled better, and without focus on the harm and damage on what others have done on you.
Focus on what you learn from the incident - say would it be better to keep a safe distance with your colleagues, or not being so trusting to your boss / colleagues, or even say to be a stronger person so that you will be less affected by others' comments?
I always talk about being a stronger person. It stems from inside but not outside. It is the feeling of self confidence, competency and being content with yourself (work, friends, family, love life etc). You may have done all things perfect but without any recognition or praise from others. So what? For me, I'd rather focus on coming clean with yourself, that you can sleep tight at night, and that you feel happy about yourself.
This is what really matters.
You wrote about the "why me" mentality. Will you ask yourself this when good things happen on you? You cannot expect life to be without any hurdle, right?
k xoxo
Thanks for your long email! I finally have time to respond and summarized what I wrote to you on whatsapp.
R wrote you something on Facebook. You replied, then you got his short reply. Then you were upset by his short reply, and all the memories flooded back. Did you see any pattern in this and WHY you were upset?
Could it have been your over-expectation on him - that you expect him to feel for you in the same degree as you do?
I can certainly understand your frustration on his reply. What a jerk! But what else can you expect from him? What you had with him is the end, finished. Like what I suggested, try practice selective memory. Hold the good memories and let go of the bad ones. Remember the bad memories do no good to your well being. Keep saying your brain is small, you got your study to do may help as well :)
Likewise, my memory for B is fading. And it took me more than one year to do so. There is really no short cut in this. I wish there were some button for letting go once and for all. It is a gradual process. with no short cut. When you do let go, you may be surprised how much time it takes, or how much little time it takes.
And next time if R approaches you again, DO NOT REPLY. Do not give him any sort of feedback. Let him speculate. If a guy is interested in you, he will approach you again. And this is really true. Guys in Hong Kong have been surrounded by "aggressive" ladies and almost forgot this golden rule. It is the time for you to sit back, and prioritize what you really want to do in your life.
I am also sorry to hear about your unhappiness story with your last job in Hong Kong. Being cheated is definitely not good. Being bad mouth behind your back is worst. But one thing you have to realize - both incidents are out of your control. You cannot control how people feel about you, how they talk about you (even after you left). The key is to control what you can control.
In this universe there is one person you need to come clean with, and this is yourself. Take time to reflect if there is any area you may have handled better, and without focus on the harm and damage on what others have done on you.
Focus on what you learn from the incident - say would it be better to keep a safe distance with your colleagues, or not being so trusting to your boss / colleagues, or even say to be a stronger person so that you will be less affected by others' comments?
I always talk about being a stronger person. It stems from inside but not outside. It is the feeling of self confidence, competency and being content with yourself (work, friends, family, love life etc). You may have done all things perfect but without any recognition or praise from others. So what? For me, I'd rather focus on coming clean with yourself, that you can sleep tight at night, and that you feel happy about yourself.
This is what really matters.
You wrote about the "why me" mentality. Will you ask yourself this when good things happen on you? You cannot expect life to be without any hurdle, right?
k xoxo
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