Dear ML,
I hope you did well with your study and exams (when it ends? It seems never ending)
I wrote about the art of dating some time ago, it is about time to go to part two - be presentable. Easy to say, hard to implement! How I see this is
1. Be presentable in appearance
It doesn't mean one needs to look like a model but at least clean and neat and presentable! There are actually a lot of minor things one can do (I am not exactly referring to plastic surgery!) but say basic makeup like eyeliner, mascara, blush and lip gloss can make one person look much better.
Trimming of hair cut and eye brows are prominent, same as the teeth - I cannot believe how many people do not take good care of their teeth! Go find a good dentist and visit him / her regularly. It is a big asset to have clean white teeth. Make sure you have no bad breath - floss / rinse / mints etc...
If you are out for dinner, make sure no debris in your teeth - high risk item: anything that is green and black sesame
Wear a friendly big smile, and make your date feel easy and comfortable.
2. Dress
In whatever occasion, dress appropriately. Do not over dress nor under dress (this is an art!). Let me quote you an example of not dressing appropriately:
Right just now M and I were having brunch and on the street there was a young girl having extremely short pair of jeans plus a pair of beige laced high heel shoes (not open toe). Bad, especially she does not have a good pair of legs. Sorry to be critical but if one dresses like that, it means you are inviting others to draw attention on you. As simple as that.
No need for a mother to tell you, only show off the parts that you are good at. If you don't know, experiment with your friends before going out.
As for dating, my rule of thumb is simple, dress something appropriate and make you feel comfortable. You won't prefer to have your mind to be distracted by say falling bra strap or falling tube dress, or uncomfortable shoes etc...
Special tips - to go a step further, if you wish, consider HIGH HEELS. It makes women feel sexy, and if needed you can "pretend" you need help on stairs~! It works every time hehe - but please make sure you feel comfortable with the heels first. If not stick with a nice pair of shoes.
3. Wear a perfume
I love perfume! I cannot live without it. I do think every girl should find her own perfume, fall in love with it and keep using. It represents you, make you feel special, build up your sensuality and impress guys (trust me)
:-)
Told you many times, women earn to buy cosmetics, perfumes, and clothing. Sad to say, in this world, first impression counts especially in the world of dating.
Always remember: when you are checking out on people, other people are equally checking out on you at the same time.
k xoxo
Friday, November 11, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Why we girls love to check out our ex on Facebook???
Dear ML,
During our recent Facebook message exchange, we both sadly admit we still check out our ex on the Facebook via some common friend or even their current girlfriend despite they are no longer our "friends" on the Facebook.
Today I skype with my another girlfriend S who did the same.
It brought me to one question - WHY??
Are we just being nosey?
Do we have too much time to spare?
Aren't we not getting enough hurt?
Or deep inside despite how the A hole treated us, there is still little part of us who care about the A hole, and somehow wanna stay contact with him, be friends with him regardless of the geographical distance and how long ago the broke up took place?
WHY?
Because no one can erase the memory that we had together.
Because we do not want the memory between us to fade away.
Because somehow we are still expecting the A hole to do the same despite we know the chance is zero.
I think this just marks clearly the difference between men and women: when a man breaks up with a woman, he will tend to erase everything, pretend nothing happened, pretend we never met, pretend we are transparent when meet up, and not even a HI.
When a woman breaks up, we always want / expect us to be "friends" and even start to question "why we are not friends?" and then push ourselves into such a black hole of pain and sadness.
The answer is crystal clear - some A holes are simply not good enough to be our friends, not even worthwhile to deserve any of our time and attention. And it is time for we girls to learn from men: be a man, be picky, be choosey, and move on with our lives with heads up.
k xoxo
During our recent Facebook message exchange, we both sadly admit we still check out our ex on the Facebook via some common friend or even their current girlfriend despite they are no longer our "friends" on the Facebook.
Today I skype with my another girlfriend S who did the same.
It brought me to one question - WHY??
Are we just being nosey?
Do we have too much time to spare?
Aren't we not getting enough hurt?
Or deep inside despite how the A hole treated us, there is still little part of us who care about the A hole, and somehow wanna stay contact with him, be friends with him regardless of the geographical distance and how long ago the broke up took place?
WHY?
Because no one can erase the memory that we had together.
Because we do not want the memory between us to fade away.
Because somehow we are still expecting the A hole to do the same despite we know the chance is zero.
I think this just marks clearly the difference between men and women: when a man breaks up with a woman, he will tend to erase everything, pretend nothing happened, pretend we never met, pretend we are transparent when meet up, and not even a HI.
When a woman breaks up, we always want / expect us to be "friends" and even start to question "why we are not friends?" and then push ourselves into such a black hole of pain and sadness.
The answer is crystal clear - some A holes are simply not good enough to be our friends, not even worthwhile to deserve any of our time and attention. And it is time for we girls to learn from men: be a man, be picky, be choosey, and move on with our lives with heads up.
k xoxo
Ring shopping
Dear ML, dear E,
Thanks for feedback :) I know you guys are curious about the ring shopping. To begin with, throughout my love dating journey, sad to say nobody has given me any ring (not even a plastic one sob sob). Before I met M I had not said the 3 words (I L U) for years (to specify - my life was not without men but just not the right men).
Needless to say it was indeed a (very) big change for me to actually go ring shopping. I have never thought of it. I was the type of person with "marriage phobia", partly because I did not grow up in a loving and warm family.
I still remember when I arrived LA, M brought me a sack of paper inside a folder (he's the super organized type). He said "here are the things I plan to do, to go, to visit with you.... oh by the way, I have taken a look on the rings and printed out for you"
I was like "OMG" ~~ I still remember my immediate reaction was literally "OK I don't wanna look at it" as
(1) I cannot believe someone actually said that to me
(2) I am scared to death
Having said that, as time passed by, I gradually thought it may not be a bad idea. So I started to look at his printout, and started checking things online (Tiffany to begin with, of course!), and we spent 1 hour at the Diamond District downtown to check out the "real stuff".
And... to answer your question, no we have not bought anything but we know what we are looking for (something very subtle and elegant, I am too concerned if the ring got robbed!). He knows my ring size (which Uncle Sam said I actually got very thin finger).
Like what you said, there are so many gay men around, so many A holes around and the non-A hole ones may not be ready for anything but themselves. When you do meet a special non A hole who you love and he loves you more and you guys can get along and he is ready and happy to make such a commitment to you, why not have a thought and go for it?
k xoxo
Thanks for feedback :) I know you guys are curious about the ring shopping. To begin with, throughout my love dating journey, sad to say nobody has given me any ring (not even a plastic one sob sob). Before I met M I had not said the 3 words (I L U) for years (to specify - my life was not without men but just not the right men).
Needless to say it was indeed a (very) big change for me to actually go ring shopping. I have never thought of it. I was the type of person with "marriage phobia", partly because I did not grow up in a loving and warm family.
I still remember when I arrived LA, M brought me a sack of paper inside a folder (he's the super organized type). He said "here are the things I plan to do, to go, to visit with you.... oh by the way, I have taken a look on the rings and printed out for you"
I was like "OMG" ~~ I still remember my immediate reaction was literally "OK I don't wanna look at it" as
(1) I cannot believe someone actually said that to me
(2) I am scared to death
Having said that, as time passed by, I gradually thought it may not be a bad idea. So I started to look at his printout, and started checking things online (Tiffany to begin with, of course!), and we spent 1 hour at the Diamond District downtown to check out the "real stuff".
And... to answer your question, no we have not bought anything but we know what we are looking for (something very subtle and elegant, I am too concerned if the ring got robbed!). He knows my ring size (which Uncle Sam said I actually got very thin finger).
Like what you said, there are so many gay men around, so many A holes around and the non-A hole ones may not be ready for anything but themselves. When you do meet a special non A hole who you love and he loves you more and you guys can get along and he is ready and happy to make such a commitment to you, why not have a thought and go for it?
k xoxo
Monday, November 7, 2011
In response to Tom's "All the Single Ladies Put Your Hands Up" Post
Dear ML & g,
I hope you have spared some time to read through this terrific post!
1. So damn true that we girl meet up the wrong guy from the very beginning, someone who is an A hole, someone who is simply selfish and who cares more about himself, someone who doesn't know what he wants in life, or simply... someone who doesn't love you but just wanna an accompany for activities or sleeping buddy.
2. So damn true that one must be willing to suffer. It is not easy to tell an A hole from the very beginning. If we meet an A hole, we suffer. We cry lonely in bed to sleep (trust me, been there before). Assuming this is inevitable, the next question is "how we identify A hole" and "what we do if we meet an A hole"
3. So damn true of not giving up the faith. We must love ourselves first before someone loves us. We must treat ourselves with respect before someone treats us with respect.
4. So damn true in not settling for less. Why bother with how others see us or the senseless social labels attached to us? Why should we settle for less if we only deserve the best for respect, love and more?
5. So damn true in not going easy (hooking up). Your future husband or long term partner will not be interested in someone who hooks up easily. If you wanna have a ONS, fine. If you wanna have something serious, do not hook up easily.
6. So damn true in working out your own needs. How I see is sort out the qualities you are seeking in a stable loving partner. Be patient along the journey. Keep the guys radar on. Get yourself ready for your Mr. Right to come to your life. No one is perfect btw, be realistic and be ready to compromise.
When you are ready for the character how you wanna be in your love story: start preparing, start training (both physically and mentally). It is going to be a long journey, or "marathon" like what Tom said.
Be wise, be smart, be sexy, enjoy the ride and go with the flow.
k xoxo
I hope you have spared some time to read through this terrific post!
1. So damn true that we girl meet up the wrong guy from the very beginning, someone who is an A hole, someone who is simply selfish and who cares more about himself, someone who doesn't know what he wants in life, or simply... someone who doesn't love you but just wanna an accompany for activities or sleeping buddy.
2. So damn true that one must be willing to suffer. It is not easy to tell an A hole from the very beginning. If we meet an A hole, we suffer. We cry lonely in bed to sleep (trust me, been there before). Assuming this is inevitable, the next question is "how we identify A hole" and "what we do if we meet an A hole"
3. So damn true of not giving up the faith. We must love ourselves first before someone loves us. We must treat ourselves with respect before someone treats us with respect.
4. So damn true in not settling for less. Why bother with how others see us or the senseless social labels attached to us? Why should we settle for less if we only deserve the best for respect, love and more?
5. So damn true in not going easy (hooking up). Your future husband or long term partner will not be interested in someone who hooks up easily. If you wanna have a ONS, fine. If you wanna have something serious, do not hook up easily.
6. So damn true in working out your own needs. How I see is sort out the qualities you are seeking in a stable loving partner. Be patient along the journey. Keep the guys radar on. Get yourself ready for your Mr. Right to come to your life. No one is perfect btw, be realistic and be ready to compromise.
When you are ready for the character how you wanna be in your love story: start preparing, start training (both physically and mentally). It is going to be a long journey, or "marathon" like what Tom said.
Be wise, be smart, be sexy, enjoy the ride and go with the flow.
k xoxo
Time change
Dear ML,
California had the time change to Pacific Standard Time at 2 am Sunday. Without much jargon it simply means the clock was pushed back 1 hour slower. I experienced this "historical moment" as I was on internet or something. Simply put by 2 am everything was changed to 1 am, including the clock on my laptop. Of course not every clock changes automatically (say the wrist watch)
I never have this sort of thing in my life. It makes me realize one thing - what is time? Is it something just simply subject to our definition? Or more importantly how we spend our time?
While I had 25 hours on that day, another day passed. I had a nice, quiet day with M as usual, my best friend gave birth to the most beautiful newborn baby I have seen. The sky goes darker earlier now. It is also cooler now compared to 2 months ago when I first arrived LA.
Whether we like it or not, the world won't stop. Everyone goes on with their lives.
While we have been (or had been) still moaning why we continue to care about our stupid ex, time do flies no matter what. Would it be better if we stop doing something, say being angry with ourselves or the jerk, trying to understand what happened or why it happened (like what R did to you, or B to me) etc.... and do something more constructive say have things thrown behind our back and move on with our lives?
It is simply because nothing much will change the outcome. Echoed with Tom's "Single Lady" post, we are doomed to experience pain. We are doomed to meet A hole(s) in the journey of life. If we do, and if we confirm someone to be an A hole to us, we should know what to do for the best interests of ourselves.
Seriously, do you think the A hole(s) will care that someone out there 10,000 km away still care / concern about them? This is like an investment with confirmed zero or negative ROI right from the very beginning.
Stop loss. And stop loss starting TODAY.
k xoxo
California had the time change to Pacific Standard Time at 2 am Sunday. Without much jargon it simply means the clock was pushed back 1 hour slower. I experienced this "historical moment" as I was on internet or something. Simply put by 2 am everything was changed to 1 am, including the clock on my laptop. Of course not every clock changes automatically (say the wrist watch)
I never have this sort of thing in my life. It makes me realize one thing - what is time? Is it something just simply subject to our definition? Or more importantly how we spend our time?
While I had 25 hours on that day, another day passed. I had a nice, quiet day with M as usual, my best friend gave birth to the most beautiful newborn baby I have seen. The sky goes darker earlier now. It is also cooler now compared to 2 months ago when I first arrived LA.
Whether we like it or not, the world won't stop. Everyone goes on with their lives.
While we have been (or had been) still moaning why we continue to care about our stupid ex, time do flies no matter what. Would it be better if we stop doing something, say being angry with ourselves or the jerk, trying to understand what happened or why it happened (like what R did to you, or B to me) etc.... and do something more constructive say have things thrown behind our back and move on with our lives?
It is simply because nothing much will change the outcome. Echoed with Tom's "Single Lady" post, we are doomed to experience pain. We are doomed to meet A hole(s) in the journey of life. If we do, and if we confirm someone to be an A hole to us, we should know what to do for the best interests of ourselves.
Seriously, do you think the A hole(s) will care that someone out there 10,000 km away still care / concern about them? This is like an investment with confirmed zero or negative ROI right from the very beginning.
Stop loss. And stop loss starting TODAY.
k xoxo
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Tom's Old Blog Post
Dear ML and G,
I was re-reading Tom's old blog post just now "All the Single Ladies Put Your Hands Up"... Too late to share my view now (a lot to share!) but please read his post (and if you have time, those who left comments as well)
More later
k xoxo
I was re-reading Tom's old blog post just now "All the Single Ladies Put Your Hands Up"... Too late to share my view now (a lot to share!) but please read his post (and if you have time, those who left comments as well)
More later
k xoxo
The Art of Dating Part One - Have a quirky little dirty joke
Dear ML,
I won't claim myself to be any expert but after SO many relationship failure, one thing I do admit. I love dating, I love the process of interacting with another person with interests in exploring, communicating and simply getting to know each other better (note: but not hooking up)
More tips on dating to follow but one thing I wanna point out first before forget - have a quirky little dirty joke in the pocket. You never know when you need it. Am happy to share any when I come across as these jokes are not easy to find.
For me, the key criteria for such jokes are:
- Simple so that you remember the details
- Got slightly dirty but humor effect
Here's one that I read in July / August Esquire Magazine recently:
An old man was asked to submit sperm specimen. When he came back to the doc, he said "Doc, I tried with my right hand. It didn't work. I tried with my left hand. It didn't work. I asked my wife to help, didn't work either. I even asked my young neighbor to help, but it didn't work out."
Doctor exclaimed "what?! You asked your neighbor for help?"
Old man replied "yes... none of us could open the jar"
The story actually reminded me of the apricot and almond jam handmade by my dear 89 year old friend Robert... The jar was extremely difficult to open!
k xoxo
PS: the above joke didn't mean to infringe any copyright of anyone
I won't claim myself to be any expert but after SO many relationship failure, one thing I do admit. I love dating, I love the process of interacting with another person with interests in exploring, communicating and simply getting to know each other better (note: but not hooking up)
More tips on dating to follow but one thing I wanna point out first before forget - have a quirky little dirty joke in the pocket. You never know when you need it. Am happy to share any when I come across as these jokes are not easy to find.
For me, the key criteria for such jokes are:
- Simple so that you remember the details
- Got slightly dirty but humor effect
Here's one that I read in July / August Esquire Magazine recently:
An old man was asked to submit sperm specimen. When he came back to the doc, he said "Doc, I tried with my right hand. It didn't work. I tried with my left hand. It didn't work. I asked my wife to help, didn't work either. I even asked my young neighbor to help, but it didn't work out."
Doctor exclaimed "what?! You asked your neighbor for help?"
Old man replied "yes... none of us could open the jar"
The story actually reminded me of the apricot and almond jam handmade by my dear 89 year old friend Robert... The jar was extremely difficult to open!
k xoxo
PS: the above joke didn't mean to infringe any copyright of anyone
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