Ex-lover

Dearest ML,

I am reading a book by a Taiwanese author on relationship, It is a book of 100 something articles, on her views of relationship, girls mentality etc...

It is so good that I have the feeling - I do not want to finish reading it so quickly.

Today I came across her article on "ex-lover". I tried to translate her article as below:

"Ex-lovers include ex-boyfriend, and whoever you fell in love with. A long time after the breakup, you guys come out for drinks as if nothing had happened.

He looks different from what you got to know him, but whenever he is not talking, his eyes seem like laughing. He is no longer pompous and arrogant. But whenever he talks about his ideal life, he gets very excited, and stands up with all the gestures to express his view.

You look at him, thinking about the good times that you had together, when you both were in love.

This city rains a lot. But since the day you first met, and for the days to come, it has become sunny.  It is like summer holiday, you guys have endless topics to talk about, and you cannot wait to put down everything into your diary each night.

You also thought about those days when you were not in touch with each other.

You guys may both like each other but it does not mean you guys can be together. He does not enjoy enough of his freedom, he has a lot of female friends. He is not available when you needed him.

He is somebody that you want, unfortunately he cannot give you the love that you want.

You pretend you are fine. And then you feel really sad and lonely. You see the rain drops on the windshield of the bus, but at the same time you see the teardrops on your face. You try to rub the tear away.

You see everyday of no-contact as an accomplishment. You saw the little MSN login of him on your computer, take a deep breath and then switch to Outlook to carry on with your email. You try to talk to yourself - you get everything you would like to have in life. But love is like a public bus - you know he can carry you to somewhere you would like to go, but the bus has been full, the bus has been broken on the way, the bus missed the stop. Then what can you do? 

And then one day you realize you can no longer remember his cell phone number. When you are with friends, you stop having the thought that "it will be so nice if he were here". You thought you guys no longer have any connection, until the day you meet him again.

You two haven't sat down and talked for such a long time but the connection is still there. You two can talk in your own secret language, and laugh at the insider jokes.

Then something came across to your mind - you two have the conditions to be together, but did not ever practice how to be together. Up till now, you still have not met anyone who knows you so well, and who gets along so well. You haven't even tried to explain, and then he will say he knows your temperament, that he will say to you "it really does not matter".

You are still very much in love with him, but you are just trying to persuade yourself the otherwise. If not there is no way so much thoughts can be triggered upon meeting up again. And it only feels like yesterday, otherwise you will not be that emotional, as if hypnosis has triggered some repressed memory.     

However, you guys miss the time of falling in love together, just like you miss the very last train of the day. It is a pity, but it is already a past tense. You tell yourself, bring forward whatever you learn from this relationship to the next boyfriend, you can treat him better, and you know better how to compromise.

Because you finally know, if you really love someone, it is similar to how your parents love you. You are the one to give out love, to compromise first without considering the return. You will not quit in the middle, because you would like him to see your intention, and how much you treasure your relationship with him, some day in future.

It is not easy but you will carry on with it. You feel good as this is in line with your conscience.  And then, despite you would not like to let the feeling go, you will still remember the feeling.

If you cannot give happiness to someone, you will have to let go so that he can stay happy."


k  xoxo