Dearest ML,
This blog post is also inspired by what happened yesterday. I told a friend that I wanna meet up, and if possible meet up last night for a drinks. I wrote something else to show my invitation was sincere. The invitation was sent out the night before. He got plenty of time to respond. Of course I had no problem that he could not make it, but I thought at least even a "no" is something out of respect, manner and courtesy.
Then I was out for hiking and missed his call at 1 pm. He did not leave me any message. I whatsapp him back at 2 after my hike, and then I heard nothing from him until 20:56 that he could not make it, and with a misuse of emoticons (an unhappy look followed by a big smile).
I got "furious" and replied in my whatsapp to show my disappointment and how I felt. Originally I thought if I over-reacted. Then I told my male friend about this, he said "Girl, you are venting. I would do the same too. I am not to be ignored and anyone to stand me up flat. Sorry. Next bus please unless he apologizes and makes up for it"
And guess what? I never heard from him since then. To make it clear I am not upset he cannot make it, but he could have told me earlier so that I can make my own plans.
Then I figure this is something really important apart from the way we look: it is the way we act, and the way we treat people with respect.
In short: respect, manner and courtesy. This is something even more important than the look.
Then I realized with M... He's the one who will never throw me under the bus. He is the one to treat me with respect and courtesy. He acts whatever he promises, from tiny issue like "I will come to the airport by 330 pm to pick you up".
He may not have the "hot look" but he has everything else that I am expecting in a friend and partner.
k xoxo
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Ladies, mind your look please
Dearest ML,
This blog post is inspired by an incident yesterday. I went hiking with my mom. It was a hiking group of 100+ people. In the group, there was a young "leader", and yesterday a female friend went together with him.
Nobody knows if she was his girlfriend. I do not want to guess, I do not know her at all but her look is .... awful.
1. A large part of the roots of her hair was dark but the rest of her hair was brown.
2. She was not wearing any makeup, and she did not have a good skin complexion not to wear any make up.
3. She is a bit chubby, nothing wrong with that but then she may need to put more effort on the way she dresses.
Ladies, mind your look please, especially in a situation like this where there is a lot of people who may think you are somebody's girlfriend or special friend.
It is our responsibility to look fabulous at all times.
k xoxo
This blog post is inspired by an incident yesterday. I went hiking with my mom. It was a hiking group of 100+ people. In the group, there was a young "leader", and yesterday a female friend went together with him.
Nobody knows if she was his girlfriend. I do not want to guess, I do not know her at all but her look is .... awful.
1. A large part of the roots of her hair was dark but the rest of her hair was brown.
2. She was not wearing any makeup, and she did not have a good skin complexion not to wear any make up.
3. She is a bit chubby, nothing wrong with that but then she may need to put more effort on the way she dresses.
Ladies, mind your look please, especially in a situation like this where there is a lot of people who may think you are somebody's girlfriend or special friend.
It is our responsibility to look fabulous at all times.
k xoxo
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The Museum of Broken Relationships
Dearest ML,
Another reason to go Croatia! I read news today about the Museum of Broken Relationships and I found it to be so amusing.
Put it this way, nowadays it seems to me that the odds for any relationship not to work out is far bigger than vice versa. So yes I am always intrigued by the subject matter, specifically what can we do to make ourselves feel a bit better at break up? How can we better deal with our exes?
Then I came across this article and this interesting museum. It is in fact set up by a ex-couple. They did not want to throw away their stuff, and set up a museum for it. Gradually people from around the world started to send "exhibits" and write a story about the exhibit and their love story, which can be sad, sorry, regret or hatred.
The museum actually inspires me to think:
1. You need to release your emotions on breakup.
2. You need to do some "ritual" as if it marks the end of the relationship "officially".
3. We actually do not need to send stuff to that museum. Do something - which can be crazy drinking, or take picture of the objects and write an article about it.
4. Most importantly accommodate the ex somewhere in your heart. Do not fight with yourself. Sometimes we are angry not with him but with ourselves: how come I was so dumb to get to know about him? How come I had loved him etc....
Accept the fact he was special to you before, and now he is no longer available.
Keep the guy radar on, and move on with our lives.
k xoxo
Another reason to go Croatia! I read news today about the Museum of Broken Relationships and I found it to be so amusing.
Put it this way, nowadays it seems to me that the odds for any relationship not to work out is far bigger than vice versa. So yes I am always intrigued by the subject matter, specifically what can we do to make ourselves feel a bit better at break up? How can we better deal with our exes?
Then I came across this article and this interesting museum. It is in fact set up by a ex-couple. They did not want to throw away their stuff, and set up a museum for it. Gradually people from around the world started to send "exhibits" and write a story about the exhibit and their love story, which can be sad, sorry, regret or hatred.
The museum actually inspires me to think:
1. You need to release your emotions on breakup.
2. You need to do some "ritual" as if it marks the end of the relationship "officially".
3. We actually do not need to send stuff to that museum. Do something - which can be crazy drinking, or take picture of the objects and write an article about it.
4. Most importantly accommodate the ex somewhere in your heart. Do not fight with yourself. Sometimes we are angry not with him but with ourselves: how come I was so dumb to get to know about him? How come I had loved him etc....
Accept the fact he was special to you before, and now he is no longer available.
Keep the guy radar on, and move on with our lives.
k xoxo
Monday, March 19, 2012
Ex-dar
Dearest ML,
Since we are talking about ex, I am happy to write a post on "ex-dar", inspired by the term "gay-dar".
We all need our ex-dar. Ex has become a circle of "friends". Whether we like it or not, they are there. We need to know how to deal with them. Similar to gay-dar, I do believe there are signs to pick up from your ex in formulating your strategy for him accordingly.
1. Access the situation
How did you guys break up? Was it in good terms or bad terms?
2. Who raised the breakup?
3. Is he still talking to you or not at all?
4. Does he has the maturity to be your friend again?
5. Have you forgotten the past and ready to move on?
6. Do you think he has forgotten the past and ready to move on?
Just a few aspects for you to consider in deciding the next move. I hate to be blunt but most of the times, guys do not want to keep friendship with their ex. This is a fact.
One thing we have to bear in mind - memory is selective. It means you choose what sort of memory to keep, what sort of memory not to keep. One guy told me recently, with his ex it is under selective memory (FYI they are no longer friends)
Go figure the rest. You are smart enough.
But in any case like what I said in the email "be a bitch", it means
1. If a guy would like to come after you, he will do that.
2. Think like a bitch
3. Act like a bitch
4. Believe you are a bitch
Sometimes you just need to "toughen up" a bit to prevent yourself from getting hurt again.
k xoxo
Since we are talking about ex, I am happy to write a post on "ex-dar", inspired by the term "gay-dar".
We all need our ex-dar. Ex has become a circle of "friends". Whether we like it or not, they are there. We need to know how to deal with them. Similar to gay-dar, I do believe there are signs to pick up from your ex in formulating your strategy for him accordingly.
1. Access the situation
How did you guys break up? Was it in good terms or bad terms?
2. Who raised the breakup?
3. Is he still talking to you or not at all?
4. Does he has the maturity to be your friend again?
5. Have you forgotten the past and ready to move on?
6. Do you think he has forgotten the past and ready to move on?
Just a few aspects for you to consider in deciding the next move. I hate to be blunt but most of the times, guys do not want to keep friendship with their ex. This is a fact.
One thing we have to bear in mind - memory is selective. It means you choose what sort of memory to keep, what sort of memory not to keep. One guy told me recently, with his ex it is under selective memory (FYI they are no longer friends)
Go figure the rest. You are smart enough.
But in any case like what I said in the email "be a bitch", it means
1. If a guy would like to come after you, he will do that.
2. Think like a bitch
3. Act like a bitch
4. Believe you are a bitch
Sometimes you just need to "toughen up" a bit to prevent yourself from getting hurt again.
k xoxo
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Ex-lover
Dearest ML,
I am reading a book by a Taiwanese author on relationship, It is a book of 100 something articles, on her views of relationship, girls mentality etc...
It is so good that I have the feeling - I do not want to finish reading it so quickly.
Today I came across her article on "ex-lover". I tried to translate her article as below:
"Ex-lovers include ex-boyfriend, and whoever you fell in love with. A long time after the breakup, you guys come out for drinks as if nothing had happened.
He looks different from what you got to know him, but whenever he is not talking, his eyes seem like laughing. He is no longer pompous and arrogant. But whenever he talks about his ideal life, he gets very excited, and stands up with all the gestures to express his view.
You look at him, thinking about the good times that you had together, when you both were in love.
This city rains a lot. But since the day you first met, and for the days to come, it has become sunny. It is like summer holiday, you guys have endless topics to talk about, and you cannot wait to put down everything into your diary each night.
You also thought about those days when you were not in touch with each other.
You guys may both like each other but it does not mean you guys can be together. He does not enjoy enough of his freedom, he has a lot of female friends. He is not available when you needed him.
He is somebody that you want, unfortunately he cannot give you the love that you want.
You pretend you are fine. And then you feel really sad and lonely. You see the rain drops on the windshield of the bus, but at the same time you see the teardrops on your face. You try to rub the tear away.
You see everyday of no-contact as an accomplishment. You saw the little MSN login of him on your computer, take a deep breath and then switch to Outlook to carry on with your email. You try to talk to yourself - you get everything you would like to have in life. But love is like a public bus - you know he can carry you to somewhere you would like to go, but the bus has been full, the bus has been broken on the way, the bus missed the stop. Then what can you do?
And then one day you realize you can no longer remember his cell phone number. When you are with friends, you stop having the thought that "it will be so nice if he were here". You thought you guys no longer have any connection, until the day you meet him again.
You two haven't sat down and talked for such a long time but the connection is still there. You two can talk in your own secret language, and laugh at the insider jokes.
Then something came across to your mind - you two have the conditions to be together, but did not ever practice how to be together. Up till now, you still have not met anyone who knows you so well, and who gets along so well. You haven't even tried to explain, and then he will say he knows your temperament, that he will say to you "it really does not matter".
You are still very much in love with him, but you are just trying to persuade yourself the otherwise. If not there is no way so much thoughts can be triggered upon meeting up again. And it only feels like yesterday, otherwise you will not be that emotional, as if hypnosis has triggered some repressed memory.
However, you guys miss the time of falling in love together, just like you miss the very last train of the day. It is a pity, but it is already a past tense. You tell yourself, bring forward whatever you learn from this relationship to the next boyfriend, you can treat him better, and you know better how to compromise.
Because you finally know, if you really love someone, it is similar to how your parents love you. You are the one to give out love, to compromise first without considering the return. You will not quit in the middle, because you would like him to see your intention, and how much you treasure your relationship with him, some day in future.
It is not easy but you will carry on with it. You feel good as this is in line with your conscience. And then, despite you would not like to let the feeling go, you will still remember the feeling.
If you cannot give happiness to someone, you will have to let go so that he can stay happy."
k xoxo
I am reading a book by a Taiwanese author on relationship, It is a book of 100 something articles, on her views of relationship, girls mentality etc...
It is so good that I have the feeling - I do not want to finish reading it so quickly.
Today I came across her article on "ex-lover". I tried to translate her article as below:
"Ex-lovers include ex-boyfriend, and whoever you fell in love with. A long time after the breakup, you guys come out for drinks as if nothing had happened.
He looks different from what you got to know him, but whenever he is not talking, his eyes seem like laughing. He is no longer pompous and arrogant. But whenever he talks about his ideal life, he gets very excited, and stands up with all the gestures to express his view.
You look at him, thinking about the good times that you had together, when you both were in love.
This city rains a lot. But since the day you first met, and for the days to come, it has become sunny. It is like summer holiday, you guys have endless topics to talk about, and you cannot wait to put down everything into your diary each night.
You also thought about those days when you were not in touch with each other.
You guys may both like each other but it does not mean you guys can be together. He does not enjoy enough of his freedom, he has a lot of female friends. He is not available when you needed him.
He is somebody that you want, unfortunately he cannot give you the love that you want.
You pretend you are fine. And then you feel really sad and lonely. You see the rain drops on the windshield of the bus, but at the same time you see the teardrops on your face. You try to rub the tear away.
You see everyday of no-contact as an accomplishment. You saw the little MSN login of him on your computer, take a deep breath and then switch to Outlook to carry on with your email. You try to talk to yourself - you get everything you would like to have in life. But love is like a public bus - you know he can carry you to somewhere you would like to go, but the bus has been full, the bus has been broken on the way, the bus missed the stop. Then what can you do?
And then one day you realize you can no longer remember his cell phone number. When you are with friends, you stop having the thought that "it will be so nice if he were here". You thought you guys no longer have any connection, until the day you meet him again.
You two haven't sat down and talked for such a long time but the connection is still there. You two can talk in your own secret language, and laugh at the insider jokes.
Then something came across to your mind - you two have the conditions to be together, but did not ever practice how to be together. Up till now, you still have not met anyone who knows you so well, and who gets along so well. You haven't even tried to explain, and then he will say he knows your temperament, that he will say to you "it really does not matter".
You are still very much in love with him, but you are just trying to persuade yourself the otherwise. If not there is no way so much thoughts can be triggered upon meeting up again. And it only feels like yesterday, otherwise you will not be that emotional, as if hypnosis has triggered some repressed memory.
However, you guys miss the time of falling in love together, just like you miss the very last train of the day. It is a pity, but it is already a past tense. You tell yourself, bring forward whatever you learn from this relationship to the next boyfriend, you can treat him better, and you know better how to compromise.
Because you finally know, if you really love someone, it is similar to how your parents love you. You are the one to give out love, to compromise first without considering the return. You will not quit in the middle, because you would like him to see your intention, and how much you treasure your relationship with him, some day in future.
It is not easy but you will carry on with it. You feel good as this is in line with your conscience. And then, despite you would not like to let the feeling go, you will still remember the feeling.
If you cannot give happiness to someone, you will have to let go so that he can stay happy."
k xoxo
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Love vs Hate
Dearest ML,
Thanks for your earlier comments on the post!
So happened my favourite columnist Black so Black wrote a similar topic today:
There was a girl, been together with the boy for a few years. But their relationship has always been ups and downs. He met a new party and would like to break up. She did not want to break up, and it began with all these struggles that made her tired and sick (minor ones like coughing and flu).
Like you said, we all fall in love with players some times. It is heart breaking to admit this. But so what? Apparently the girl did not want to let go of the boy, keep asking to get back together, I can change etc... but it was her mental states that she could not let go - the mentality to accept that she was being dumped and deceived by a jerk / player.
Hong Kong got the CE Election. One hopeful had an affair and his wife said "I am glad he knows his way back home". This is so wrong.
Love is blind, but sometimes someone just does not deserve our love.
Like what Black so Black said, release our anger, and get back to equilibrium.
k xoxo
Thanks for your earlier comments on the post!
So happened my favourite columnist Black so Black wrote a similar topic today:
There was a girl, been together with the boy for a few years. But their relationship has always been ups and downs. He met a new party and would like to break up. She did not want to break up, and it began with all these struggles that made her tired and sick (minor ones like coughing and flu).
Like you said, we all fall in love with players some times. It is heart breaking to admit this. But so what? Apparently the girl did not want to let go of the boy, keep asking to get back together, I can change etc... but it was her mental states that she could not let go - the mentality to accept that she was being dumped and deceived by a jerk / player.
Hong Kong got the CE Election. One hopeful had an affair and his wife said "I am glad he knows his way back home". This is so wrong.
Love is blind, but sometimes someone just does not deserve our love.
Like what Black so Black said, release our anger, and get back to equilibrium.
k xoxo
Monday, March 12, 2012
Ex
Dearest ML,
Ex always gives us headaches. I briefly estimated there are a few types of ex -
1. Ex who chooses to walk away completely from your life
These are the type who prefers a complete break off after the end of the relationship. No more contact. You may have mutual friends he may still be on your Facebook but nothing more.
You guys have your own life. It is tough especially when you still have feelings for him. You may still peek into his Facebook (or his girlfriend's Facebook to get to know him) but gradually you will figure "if he doesn't not treat me as a friend with care and concern, why bother and waste my time?"
This is exactly how I feel about the unnamed player, especially after the recent accident. He will always be the same. He doesn't really care about others. The good side is you guys break up before investing (or wasting) too much time and energy into the relationship that is doomed to have no future.
2. Ex who can evolve to be best friends
This type of ex is rare, it requires both parties to evolve and move on. There is always a fine line between "couples" and "best friends' and you guys know how to play this rule of game well.
3. Ex who doesn't know what he wants and keep coming back to you
This type is also common - it means you guys break up, then reconcile, and then break up again. Why? One major reason is neither party has really worked out the real issues that caused the break up. Relationships like this will never be a smooth one but likely end up in a vicious cycle.
I know how it feels to be treated badly by ex, especially when you have the "expectation" that he may get back to you on your text / email message, or have the "expectation" that he will contact you first, or have the expectation of staying friends. Some time ago, I remember I wrote a blog post on "friendship". It takes two to make things work.
So, how to deal with ex?? I really do not know, I am still evolving. It really depends on the other party. You express your friendliness it went into the water under the bridge. Lesson learned.
Remember:
It takes two to clap hands. It also takes two to maintain friendship. There are a lot of friends who care and concern about you. There is no need to expect everyone to be your friend - you are not in any competition or running for Ms Friendly in Ms Universe competition.
Be picky, be choosey.
And sometimes if you really care about someone (and if by doing so really makes you feel better), go for it. You do not really have to let them know.
You are a really sweet and smart girl with a lot of self-reflection but sometimes it may be better to forget and let go. Be kind to yourself, and love yourself more.
k xoxo
Ex always gives us headaches. I briefly estimated there are a few types of ex -
1. Ex who chooses to walk away completely from your life
These are the type who prefers a complete break off after the end of the relationship. No more contact. You may have mutual friends he may still be on your Facebook but nothing more.
You guys have your own life. It is tough especially when you still have feelings for him. You may still peek into his Facebook (or his girlfriend's Facebook to get to know him) but gradually you will figure "if he doesn't not treat me as a friend with care and concern, why bother and waste my time?"
This is exactly how I feel about the unnamed player, especially after the recent accident. He will always be the same. He doesn't really care about others. The good side is you guys break up before investing (or wasting) too much time and energy into the relationship that is doomed to have no future.
2. Ex who can evolve to be best friends
This type of ex is rare, it requires both parties to evolve and move on. There is always a fine line between "couples" and "best friends' and you guys know how to play this rule of game well.
3. Ex who doesn't know what he wants and keep coming back to you
This type is also common - it means you guys break up, then reconcile, and then break up again. Why? One major reason is neither party has really worked out the real issues that caused the break up. Relationships like this will never be a smooth one but likely end up in a vicious cycle.
I know how it feels to be treated badly by ex, especially when you have the "expectation" that he may get back to you on your text / email message, or have the "expectation" that he will contact you first, or have the expectation of staying friends. Some time ago, I remember I wrote a blog post on "friendship". It takes two to make things work.
So, how to deal with ex?? I really do not know, I am still evolving. It really depends on the other party. You express your friendliness it went into the water under the bridge. Lesson learned.
Remember:
It takes two to clap hands. It also takes two to maintain friendship. There are a lot of friends who care and concern about you. There is no need to expect everyone to be your friend - you are not in any competition or running for Ms Friendly in Ms Universe competition.
Be picky, be choosey.
And sometimes if you really care about someone (and if by doing so really makes you feel better), go for it. You do not really have to let them know.
You are a really sweet and smart girl with a lot of self-reflection but sometimes it may be better to forget and let go. Be kind to yourself, and love yourself more.
k xoxo
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