Dearest ML,
Like my whatsapp discussed, what if we see our ex as "used furniture"?
Then -
1. He is an object. It is not necessary to attach too much emotions onto "it".
2. What if he is dating somebody else? He is an "used furniture" and I do not want "it" / it doesn't fit me anymore. Please feel free to take it & make use of it.
Seriously, I only wish I could have realized this a little bit earlier. Then I guess I can omit quite a bit of sorrow and unhappiness for that piece of "used furniture".
Revelation is - at the end of the day it all depends on our interpretation. And a smart girl will interpret the story in an angle that causes less pain and emotional distress.
k xoxo
Monday, January 2, 2012
Our past
Dearest ML,
Thanks for sharing your story with me on whatsapp earlier.
There are a few points I'd like to get back to you in more details on your story.
1. We all have some unpleasant personal history that we hope it may be erased by pressing a button or using an eraser. It can be a nude topless photo in bath tub while we were a kid, or a really ugly photo in an incredibly ugly outfit / haircut (or both), or some dishonest cheating in schools or some harsh comments we made knowingly or unknowingly to our friends, or some inglorious stupid mistakes that we made.
For me, it is all of the above.
I think it is important to accept what happened without any prejudice or anger or regret. It is simply a (small) chapter in the journey of life, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.
The important part is to learn from our mistake.
Only when we are able to completely accept we are for who we are and accept what happened without shame and guilt, we will be able to move on.
2. You mentioned some girlfriends did not like you. For whatever reasons behind this, again this is inevitable. Some people dislike you because you are dumb, because you are mean, because you are sweaty and stink, because you are overweight, or because you are smart and beautiful and everyone likes you.
We are not exactly in a beauty pageant competition running for Ms Friendly crown. It is just fairly common that some people dislike others or do not get along well, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.
3. As far as dating situation goes, what if some of his friends do not like you? The answer is fairly simple. Remember who you are dating with: him or his friends?
As long as you did nothing wrong, you live by your conscience, morals, standards and values, I think this is pretty sufficient.
How others see you is irrelevant, it is how you see yourself that counts more.
k xoxo
Thanks for sharing your story with me on whatsapp earlier.
There are a few points I'd like to get back to you in more details on your story.
1. We all have some unpleasant personal history that we hope it may be erased by pressing a button or using an eraser. It can be a nude topless photo in bath tub while we were a kid, or a really ugly photo in an incredibly ugly outfit / haircut (or both), or some dishonest cheating in schools or some harsh comments we made knowingly or unknowingly to our friends, or some inglorious stupid mistakes that we made.
For me, it is all of the above.
I think it is important to accept what happened without any prejudice or anger or regret. It is simply a (small) chapter in the journey of life, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.
The important part is to learn from our mistake.
Only when we are able to completely accept we are for who we are and accept what happened without shame and guilt, we will be able to move on.
2. You mentioned some girlfriends did not like you. For whatever reasons behind this, again this is inevitable. Some people dislike you because you are dumb, because you are mean, because you are sweaty and stink, because you are overweight, or because you are smart and beautiful and everyone likes you.
We are not exactly in a beauty pageant competition running for Ms Friendly crown. It is just fairly common that some people dislike others or do not get along well, and there is no need to be too concerned about it.
3. As far as dating situation goes, what if some of his friends do not like you? The answer is fairly simple. Remember who you are dating with: him or his friends?
As long as you did nothing wrong, you live by your conscience, morals, standards and values, I think this is pretty sufficient.
How others see you is irrelevant, it is how you see yourself that counts more.
k xoxo
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Margin Call
Dearest ML,
I am not sure if you watched the film "Margin Call"? M and I watched it just now... Scary. Well to specify it is not a horror film (I would never watch that) but a mimic on what exactly happened on the day when Lehman Brother collapsed in 2008. In the film it mentioned about the layoff / how the senior management reacted upon hearing the news that they were hugely in debt ....
The rest is all history.
Read news today Morgan Stanley is going to layoff 560 staff alone in their New York headquarter. History is just repeating itself.
And I am not sure if you watched the documentary "inside job"? Maybe this is part of the reason why you would like to change field?
Life is short, there are far more important and better things to do than... working non-stop, earning money in a dirty, dishonest way. Occupy Wall Street certainly got their motives right (if I remember, one of them is "against corporate greed") but we have to ask - what has been done so far to avoid history from repeating itself?
Or nothing at all? And... how we end up in a world like this, where hard work no longer pays off and only those who cheat / lie can earn big money?
k xoxo
I am not sure if you watched the film "Margin Call"? M and I watched it just now... Scary. Well to specify it is not a horror film (I would never watch that) but a mimic on what exactly happened on the day when Lehman Brother collapsed in 2008. In the film it mentioned about the layoff / how the senior management reacted upon hearing the news that they were hugely in debt ....
The rest is all history.
Read news today Morgan Stanley is going to layoff 560 staff alone in their New York headquarter. History is just repeating itself.
And I am not sure if you watched the documentary "inside job"? Maybe this is part of the reason why you would like to change field?
Life is short, there are far more important and better things to do than... working non-stop, earning money in a dirty, dishonest way. Occupy Wall Street certainly got their motives right (if I remember, one of them is "against corporate greed") but we have to ask - what has been done so far to avoid history from repeating itself?
Or nothing at all? And... how we end up in a world like this, where hard work no longer pays off and only those who cheat / lie can earn big money?
k xoxo
New Year's Resolution
Dearest ML,
2011 flew by so quickly! With new year approaching very shortly, I am not sure if you have the habit of having new year's resolution at the very beginning of the year, on what you'd hope to achieve / accomplish?
I do, and every year I am amazed how quickly time flew by. But we all know what happens to the new year's resolutions in the end, very few or none of them will be achieved.
So what is the point of making new year's resolution, in figuring out & prioritizing what you want to have / achieve in the coming year?
I read an article on this today, well not exactly on new year's resolution but on figuring out your wants. Simply put, it is a process in sorting out the chaotic mind, and to see if what you want is something under your control. If so, go for it. If not, you know you have nothing to do about it.
It is also on the process in realizing how bad shape you are in now, and to act to change on it.
Process is far more important than the outcome.
So probably I will spend some time in drafting out my "new year's resolution" for 2012. It is never too late or too stupid for this.
k xoxo
2011 flew by so quickly! With new year approaching very shortly, I am not sure if you have the habit of having new year's resolution at the very beginning of the year, on what you'd hope to achieve / accomplish?
I do, and every year I am amazed how quickly time flew by. But we all know what happens to the new year's resolutions in the end, very few or none of them will be achieved.
So what is the point of making new year's resolution, in figuring out & prioritizing what you want to have / achieve in the coming year?
I read an article on this today, well not exactly on new year's resolution but on figuring out your wants. Simply put, it is a process in sorting out the chaotic mind, and to see if what you want is something under your control. If so, go for it. If not, you know you have nothing to do about it.
It is also on the process in realizing how bad shape you are in now, and to act to change on it.
Process is far more important than the outcome.
So probably I will spend some time in drafting out my "new year's resolution" for 2012. It is never too late or too stupid for this.
k xoxo
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
The end of life journey
Dearest ML,
A friend of mine is approaching the end of her life journey. I just visited her today and she looks very fragile and tired. I am concerned that she will never be able to wake up from sleep.
Luckily she is not in much pain but it doesn't make me feel any better. It is emotional draining. I cannot imagine if this happen to any of my close family members.
Death can be just so close to any one of us.
Occasions like this make me re-think again - what is the purpose of life? What am I going to achieve - have a successful career? Make money? To make a lot of friends? To experience? Or simply to stay happy and have no regrets in life?
In approaching Christmas time it is supposed to be joyous, and shopping and eating... but this year, I'd rather to take this chance to have another reflection on myself.
The end of life journey may actually happen at any time.
k xoxo
A friend of mine is approaching the end of her life journey. I just visited her today and she looks very fragile and tired. I am concerned that she will never be able to wake up from sleep.
Luckily she is not in much pain but it doesn't make me feel any better. It is emotional draining. I cannot imagine if this happen to any of my close family members.
Death can be just so close to any one of us.
Occasions like this make me re-think again - what is the purpose of life? What am I going to achieve - have a successful career? Make money? To make a lot of friends? To experience? Or simply to stay happy and have no regrets in life?
In approaching Christmas time it is supposed to be joyous, and shopping and eating... but this year, I'd rather to take this chance to have another reflection on myself.
The end of life journey may actually happen at any time.
k xoxo
On Forgiveness
Dearest ML,
Thanks for another meaningful blog post on forgiveness.
There is a line you wrote - "you are also forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to be vulnerable or making an error in judgment."
Interestingly, M also always talks to me about being vulnerable in a relationship.
To be honest, I am actually pretty "zen" in quite a lot of areas. I always believe things happen for a reason, literally everything. So even for B, how I see is "if it is not because of his breakup, I would not have started any relationship with M".
However even so, it does not justify what he did to me. Having said that, even if he did apologize, it does not change anything on what happened.
So does "forgiveness" help? I do not mean to be harsh on myself, or him - I wrote once I don't hate people, it wastes time and energy and counter-productive. If there is something I cannot get over with, then I still cannot get it over. Does it mean I still spend a lot of time on past issues? No.
Life is short, time is precious. Assuming I cannot forgive, it may be better to "forget" instead.
It does not mean I hate him or myself or anyone. I think nobody can make a wise decision in the area of love. It is always gonna be a bet, a gambling, and trial and error. Love is blind, and it is true. And will there be any A hole who will admit himself to be an A hole to you at the time of dating? I'm afraid not.
We can only know on hindsight.
So you are right, lesson learned. Anything can happen in relationship. Enjoy the happy times whenever possible, as these are the good memories to make you go through the difficult times. Once if you ever get hurt, do what a smart girl does - lesson learned, and move on with our lives, as we both clearly understand hurt is sometimes inevitable.
This makes us for who we are, and we accept this as part of our life journey.
k xoxo
Thanks for another meaningful blog post on forgiveness.
There is a line you wrote - "you are also forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to be vulnerable or making an error in judgment."
Interestingly, M also always talks to me about being vulnerable in a relationship.
To be honest, I am actually pretty "zen" in quite a lot of areas. I always believe things happen for a reason, literally everything. So even for B, how I see is "if it is not because of his breakup, I would not have started any relationship with M".
However even so, it does not justify what he did to me. Having said that, even if he did apologize, it does not change anything on what happened.
So does "forgiveness" help? I do not mean to be harsh on myself, or him - I wrote once I don't hate people, it wastes time and energy and counter-productive. If there is something I cannot get over with, then I still cannot get it over. Does it mean I still spend a lot of time on past issues? No.
Life is short, time is precious. Assuming I cannot forgive, it may be better to "forget" instead.
It does not mean I hate him or myself or anyone. I think nobody can make a wise decision in the area of love. It is always gonna be a bet, a gambling, and trial and error. Love is blind, and it is true. And will there be any A hole who will admit himself to be an A hole to you at the time of dating? I'm afraid not.
We can only know on hindsight.
So you are right, lesson learned. Anything can happen in relationship. Enjoy the happy times whenever possible, as these are the good memories to make you go through the difficult times. Once if you ever get hurt, do what a smart girl does - lesson learned, and move on with our lives, as we both clearly understand hurt is sometimes inevitable.
This makes us for who we are, and we accept this as part of our life journey.
k xoxo
Friday, December 16, 2011
How I see Friends
Dearest ML,
In your latest email you wrote about friends and your desire of keeping closer in touch with friends.
I am very bad in keeping in touch with friends. I can chat, make new friends easily but not at all good in keeping contacts with close, real friends. What I realize is -
Real friends are those who do not need to be in close contacts all the times.
Real friends are those who may not be close with you physically but close with you in heart.
Real friends are those who can talk and talk and share what is happening in life after months of no contact.
Real friends are those who will be there for you when you are down, need someone to talk to, when you need help.
Real friends can be those who are not even on your Facebook.
Most importantly, it takes two to make real friends.
So do real friends need "maintenance"? Yes and no. You have to realize one fact - friends, are like guys and buses, they come and go. Time will tell who is the real friend. There is no need to push it too hard. And there is also no need to feel sad when you lose some of the "friends".
PS - by coincidence I was watching The Good Wife with M just now. There was a quote between Alicia and her brother like below.
Background: they were really close, and Alicia called her brother late night to have drinks in a bar and complained she doesn't have friends anymore.
Alicia: God, where are all my friends?
Brother: on your facebook
k xoxo
In your latest email you wrote about friends and your desire of keeping closer in touch with friends.
I am very bad in keeping in touch with friends. I can chat, make new friends easily but not at all good in keeping contacts with close, real friends. What I realize is -
Real friends are those who do not need to be in close contacts all the times.
Real friends are those who may not be close with you physically but close with you in heart.
Real friends are those who can talk and talk and share what is happening in life after months of no contact.
Real friends are those who will be there for you when you are down, need someone to talk to, when you need help.
Real friends can be those who are not even on your Facebook.
Most importantly, it takes two to make real friends.
So do real friends need "maintenance"? Yes and no. You have to realize one fact - friends, are like guys and buses, they come and go. Time will tell who is the real friend. There is no need to push it too hard. And there is also no need to feel sad when you lose some of the "friends".
PS - by coincidence I was watching The Good Wife with M just now. There was a quote between Alicia and her brother like below.
Background: they were really close, and Alicia called her brother late night to have drinks in a bar and complained she doesn't have friends anymore.
Alicia: God, where are all my friends?
Brother: on your facebook
k xoxo
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