Hong Kong

Dearest ML,

During my last visit, I took some time to take pictures of Hong Kong. Have a look? I love the way Hong Kong is just so diverse with a mix of modern and the old 

(most importantly I totally love my pentax k-r camera with all these built-in filters for special effects!) 

k  xoxo

One Love Story

Dearest ML,

Sometimes we just forgot how love / marriage should be, and that's why I posted this for you. It is about the love story of a young couple (24!) and they got married because he did not have long to live.

Click here. 

Maybe you watched it already :)

k  xoxo 

Meaningful email from 2010

Dearest ML,

I was clearing my mailbox, and found this email back in 2010. Surprising it still applies as of 2012 :0)

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.

5. Make time to pray.

6. Play more games.

7. Read more books than you did in 2009.

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

9. Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake.

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18.. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. GOD heals everything.

35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

37. The best is yet to come.

38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.

39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:

40. Please forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

Strategy, strategy, strategy

Dearest ML,

One of my theories in dating is "strategy". Here is one perfect example to illustrate, originates from an article I read on newspaper yesterday:

There is a theory in war. The real winning and losing is determined before the war itself. Those who took initiative is the losing side.  There is no doubt about it.

Today she asked him out, he can tell it is not a good thing. Last week they started dating. On the evening of the second date, he kissed her.

No rejection, but not much reaction. She just closed her eyes and stood there quietly, feeling the heat from his lips. This was a kiss that would not last long.

But since the relationship had already begun, he did not mind carrying it forward. He thought things would unwind eventually. He felt a little bit of uneasy because of another man.

He was someone whom they met on the same day in the same work related occasion. He obviously was the "better" one.

He can tell him he was not competitive, and he could also tell that she was attracted to him from the very beginning.

Things may not have happened for two person who are mutually attracted to each other. As long as nobody takes the first move, nothing will happen.

He gave sufficient time to both of them, he took initiative only when he felt like nothing would happen between them.

Things were smooth than he thought, she accepted him despite the way of expressing his admiration and love was a bit clumsy.

He can feel that she was relaxed, obviously because it marked the end of the struggle with the other he. She must have said to that guy "great, there is no need to struggle anymore with you. You are nothing!"

Today she gave him a call, saying there was something serious for discussion after work. She sounded serious.

"I told him that we started our relationship"

"What is his reaction?"

"He asked me, how come that was not me?"

"I said I never knew you liked me"

"..."

"I am sorry, we have started seeing each other."

No astonishment but only the sad loneliness from the loser.

If we step outside the box, in fact that he lost the game too. She was the mastermind.

---------------------

Such a brilliant story!

k  xoxo

After Breakup

Dearest ML,

Again another inspiration by Black so Black to share:

She once vowed to her wedding ring that she will only wear it once in her life. She will not take it off after it is put onto her finger. Even facing infidelity by her partner she will still honor the wedding vow, and never fall in love with another party.

Three years later, she felt in love with a friend who had been staying around with her for years and they formed their own family. When she vowed again, the hatred on her face disappeared.

She cried desperately asking for suicide. She cannot live without him. She was like this for 40 days after he left her. She felt like the sky has collapsed, that nobody could understand how she feels, and knowing that she cannot meet anyone who deserves her love and whom she fell in love so deeply.

Fast forward one year later, she met her current partner in volunteering. She saw there are so many things that need her help and grew mature. Love can come in again only when she opened her heart. He and she have been together, in peace. The power of love not only serves these two people, love helps in serving more people who are in need.

The love of his life betrayed him. He cannot trust any woman. Arrogance left him in hatred and negative emotions for a few years. Until one day he met someone who is simple and kind, and shines through his life like a fresh ray of light. He saw how he did not understand women, how he committed mistakes and hurt them in the past. Now he can experience love is to forgive the pain and sin in the past with a gentle loving smile. He felt enormously gracious, and learned how to love himself and others.

She loved him over a decade and never want to let go. She thought she cannot fall in love again, she is destined to be a victim and she cannot handle any hurt. At the same time, she finds herself very hard to fall in love with someone. After living in despair for 4 years, they met, fell in love and made them calm, mature and understanding. She cannot be happier.

These real stories of break up are meant to share with those who are afraid of break up. There is no inseparable relationship to begin with, except the intimate self-loving relationship. You have to give time to heal the wound, and there is no need to shut the door. You never know what sort of gift God has arranged to you after you open up yourself to experience growth.

There is no reason for you to miss this.

My thoughts:

We all have breakups. It is so rare that we will end up with only one lover in our life these days. Some relationships are longer, some are brief and short. Every relationship counts. We have to learn how to deal with break up, to learn from others and to learn how we may grow from it. It is the only way where we may minimize the pain.

We also have to learn to look forward. The best is yet to come.

k  xoxo

Break up Properly

Dearest ML,
This is the topic wrote by my favorite columnist, Black so Black. I tried to digest what she wrote to below -

It turns out a lot of couples break up by disappearing suddenly. There is no symptom, nor there is  room for you to prepare for it. In the end it becomes so difficult for you to get adjusted for this sudden change in the status and creates a wound that is so deep that it takes a long time to heal. 

Suddenly stop picking up calls, suddenly stop replying text message, suddenly move the stuff away, suddenly return the gifts, suddenly leave message like "do not contact me anymore" but without explanation and elaboration. They thought they leave like a wind and create no-fuss. But in reality they are creating a mess that is more messy than the messed up relationship and let the burden to the others while he or she can simply run away.

This is such a rude and irresponsible way of breaking up. Not only let the other party wandering in dismay, with the urge of wanting to know the truth even in the next life. This type of breakup also creates "fatal relationship" - a relationship that leaves the other party traumatized. It can also bring up the deep buried childhood fear: say the fear of being abandoned by parents, the fear of being left on the street while not sure the way of getting back home, the fear that the parents will no longer love us after their separation etc.

The type of breakup reinforces that these childhood fears to be real and true and makes people feel so helplessness. If not handled properly it may develop into unfortunate emotional sickness. I handled a lot of cases when clients thought it is so difficult to love again and to trust someone again. Some clients even thought of or attempted suicide. 

To specify they are not particularly vulnerable people. A number of them told me that as long as the breakup was handled properly, give them room to deal with the vacancy period, they can actually take their time to accept the news and adapt.


A very sad aftermath of a bad breakup.

As a matter of fact, this situation can definitely be avoided. As long as when you break up you deal with it properly and face the aftermath, be it by a statement, elaboration, explain your point of views, give blessing to the other party before you leave. Prepare the other party that the relationship has come to a full stop, properly say thank you and good bye.

There is no inseparable relationship to begin with. You both can then move on without any burden. 

A mature person will tell before leaving. They will clear up rubbish and avoid creating additional rubbish. You have to understand that by simply disappearing, what is left behind can create mistakes that can be irreversible. 

Breakup properly. Disappearing suddenly only show how coward you are.

Needless to say, the passage did remind me of someone, someone whom I feel indifferent now. Time heals, but most importantly with more thinking and passages like this help me understand his mentality. It makes me realize how A-hole he actually is.

He simply does not deserve any of my time and energy.


k  xoxo

Mistake

Dearest ML,

Following the "courtesy, manner and respect" post, the saga continues.

I wrote to you that the friend did get back to me but not anymore. I whatsapp and asked questions, just casual ones like "what are your plans for weekend" then no feedback. It seems he disappeared in the thin air. I do not know what is happening.

Specifically I feel like I am stupid. Committing the same mistake twice? How foolish I am, to expect someone to change. I feel like I am more angry about myself than him.

This brings up one point:  never commit the same mistake twice.

My 2nd point being: time will really tell who that person is. It is not his sweet words but how he treats you that counts more. Be smart and do not be fooled!

 
k  xoxo