Break up Properly

Dearest ML,
This is the topic wrote by my favorite columnist, Black so Black. I tried to digest what she wrote to below -

It turns out a lot of couples break up by disappearing suddenly. There is no symptom, nor there is  room for you to prepare for it. In the end it becomes so difficult for you to get adjusted for this sudden change in the status and creates a wound that is so deep that it takes a long time to heal. 

Suddenly stop picking up calls, suddenly stop replying text message, suddenly move the stuff away, suddenly return the gifts, suddenly leave message like "do not contact me anymore" but without explanation and elaboration. They thought they leave like a wind and create no-fuss. But in reality they are creating a mess that is more messy than the messed up relationship and let the burden to the others while he or she can simply run away.

This is such a rude and irresponsible way of breaking up. Not only let the other party wandering in dismay, with the urge of wanting to know the truth even in the next life. This type of breakup also creates "fatal relationship" - a relationship that leaves the other party traumatized. It can also bring up the deep buried childhood fear: say the fear of being abandoned by parents, the fear of being left on the street while not sure the way of getting back home, the fear that the parents will no longer love us after their separation etc.

The type of breakup reinforces that these childhood fears to be real and true and makes people feel so helplessness. If not handled properly it may develop into unfortunate emotional sickness. I handled a lot of cases when clients thought it is so difficult to love again and to trust someone again. Some clients even thought of or attempted suicide. 

To specify they are not particularly vulnerable people. A number of them told me that as long as the breakup was handled properly, give them room to deal with the vacancy period, they can actually take their time to accept the news and adapt.


A very sad aftermath of a bad breakup.

As a matter of fact, this situation can definitely be avoided. As long as when you break up you deal with it properly and face the aftermath, be it by a statement, elaboration, explain your point of views, give blessing to the other party before you leave. Prepare the other party that the relationship has come to a full stop, properly say thank you and good bye.

There is no inseparable relationship to begin with. You both can then move on without any burden. 

A mature person will tell before leaving. They will clear up rubbish and avoid creating additional rubbish. You have to understand that by simply disappearing, what is left behind can create mistakes that can be irreversible. 

Breakup properly. Disappearing suddenly only show how coward you are.

Needless to say, the passage did remind me of someone, someone whom I feel indifferent now. Time heals, but most importantly with more thinking and passages like this help me understand his mentality. It makes me realize how A-hole he actually is.

He simply does not deserve any of my time and energy.


k  xoxo