Thoughts on Thanksgiving

Dearest ML,

Happy thanksgiving :) It was actually my first thanksgiving ever in the States, and gave me a lot of thoughts.

I googled and briefly know the origin of thanksgiving is to give thanks to God - which is all good. It is also about family gathering and stuff - kinda like Chinese New Year. OK I got it.

M had been so kind and brought me to the volunteer work in Civic Center in Santa Monica, and we served food to the homeless / poor for 2.5 hours on the Thanksgiving Day. I just cannot believe there were SO many homeless / poor people waiting in line for food. It is just too bad. Considering Santa Monica is probably one of the wealthiest regions in the country (which I may be wrong), it is just sad to see the disparity between the poor and the rich is SO huge. No discrimination but those were people that were really homeless, that were stinky and with dirty clothes etc. Sad to see what's happening in this country. 

Then I saw the pie center - it was literally full of pies (I estimated it should be over 300??). Again there were people in this country wealthy enough to donate pies but so much homeless to feed.

Later that night we went to his uncle house for a nice dinner with his not-so-close relatives - in a very nice condol in Beverly Hills area. I cannot stop comparing the environment that I was in at night vs the Civic Center in the afternoon.

Possibly because thanksgiving is 1 month before Christmas, it has been a time for shopping (or Black Friday). The pile of discount booklets in LA times was literally two inches thick :0)

Put it this way, I know the Americans love spending but have they thought about:

- there are just some people in this country in the same land that are really really poor?
- why there is the constant need to spend / to buy?
- is it about time to think twice before we buy anything?

I am constantly thinking about the last point myself. Considering I packed 15 tops, 3 tees, 1 pair of long jeans, 1 demin mini-skirt, 3 pairs of shorts & 3 pairs of shoes for the almost 90 days stay in LA, I believe it is actually a breakthrough for me to reconsider what I should pack and what I should buy in future.

Clothing are actually more durable than you thought. Same for the shoes. 

Despite having said that, I did buy something for my friends and family for my return back home tomorrow.



k   xoxo

What is "Growth"?

Dearest ML,

We talk about "growth" recently but what exactly is growth? How I see is :

Growth is about how you see a situation better and deals with it better (incl relationship failure!)

Growth is about how you see yourself better, know your shortcomings and try to improve them (gradually) 

Growth is about how you see men better, and try not to let them dominate you (again incl relationship failure)

Growth is about how you see life better, how we see life as a journey, how to learn something new everyday and cherish everyday and everything we have (sometimes, incl dysfunctional family) 

Growth is about setting priorities - in job, in everyday, and in life

Growth is also about risk assessment - how we may better control the risk to minimal

I remember when I was in Hong Kong (X number of years ago) I had my times when I felt lost - I was working 9-5 everyday but I was lost. Lost in guys, lost in not knowing what I want in life.

I guess everyone goes through this sort of period, in search of meaning of life at some point of life.

While the guys' radar is on (in search of growth stock), the above should be able to help to keep reminding myself about what life is exactly about.

Life is about experience, and most importantly how to live a smarter life and do something fulfilling to ONESELF.

The whole journey begins by "love yourself"

k   xoxo

Height Be Taken

Dearest ML,

Congratulations on your blog! The title said it all "Height Be Taken" - so beautifully written (which is why Shakespeare is Shakespeare, no one can beat him :P)

Oh I sent your blog to M, and he just loved it (he said "that is a powerful / heavy sonnet! The sonnet is what love is really about") :) He is such a big fan of sonnets by Shakespeare, he recommends Sonnet 18 for lighter version: 

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee. 

I think it may be better he starts dating you instead :P

I think "Height be taken" can resonant the "growth stock concept" in my previous blog post and what you wrote in your last paragraph. Apart from the self journey of learning, ideally speaking, our Mr Right should be able to stimulate growth together, and in a way somehow pushing each other limit and live life to the fullest.

Having said that I have been thinking what else we may do in addition to the 3 principles I briefly wrote to facilitate the chance of discovering a growth stock. In real stock market you can track the stock performance, check their annual report etc... but what about for people?

Then I further think - the same actually applies to job / human resources area. I bet all employers would like to find a growth stock to work along / work for them but how to locate such a candidate?

A growth stock can also refer to a friend who inspires personal growth and who brings in interesting thoughts and conversation. 

So the art of discovering growth stock should definitely be included into our syllabus as well

k  xoxo

Pick Man like Picking Stock

Dear ML,

I just read a very interesting analogy from a column author that I like. I think she is in late 20s, Chinese, working in Wall Street now.

Today she wrote about pick man like picking a stock: 

- Do not pick those that are backed by national policy. They are too well taken care off, they cannot take care of themselves.

- Do not pick those with high PE ratio. They already got a bunch of faithful stockholders, cost is too high, ordinary girl cannot afford to buy.

- Do not pick those that are from heirs: they are not motivated to grow, spending time with them is wasting your time.

- Do not pick those that are from highly volatile and manipulative by brokers (aka players): there is no way to beat them and we can only get hurt eventually.

What can we choose then? A growth stock, which may be available 1 out of 1000.

Question is how to pick growth stock?

I think it boils down to 3 principles
- do your homework
- trial and error
- learn from mistakes


k   xoxo

Wiki How - Relationship

Dear ML,

It was great chatting with you today :)

By pure coincidence, I discovered Wiki How and check this out when you have time - on Relationship... Many different topics covered. I haven't browsed through all of them but it is funny ;-)

k   xoxo

Ask Amy

Dear ML,

I enjoy reading newspaper back-to-back. I always enjoy doing it especially in LA when I am not as busy as before. In Los Angeles Times there is a column called "Ask Amy" where readers can ask whatever question to Amy.

One time I remember it was from "Upset Grandma" who saw "outrageous" posts from her grandkids on Facebook and asking Amy if / how she should talk to them ;-)

Here is today's question -

"Dear Amy,

I was in a relationship with my ex-BF for 3 years. I broke up with him a few months ago because I felt that he did not make our relationship a priority.

Since the breakup we have stayed in touch. We have gone out a few times and have been sexually intimate. I have not dated anyone else, and he says he hasn't either.

He makes comments implying that he would like us to get back together. I have no intention of going into 2012 with this emotional baggage.

Should I suggest that we either maintain a platonic friendship or begin to try to re-establish a romantic relationship? I want him back only if he is capable of working at this.

Still in love"

Now let's see how Amy answered: 

"Dear Still,

Back in the Stone Age when I was young, there was a somewhat objectionable (but commonly used) expression to describe a predicament such as yours.

It involved a person having ready access to a cow and thus getting the cow's milk for free.

I'll give you a modern translation: as long as you and your ex are booty-calling friends with benefits, you two don't have much of an incentive to change your status.

For things to be different, you will have to act differently. You should tell him you want to back off until you have more clarity about things"

I cannot agree with Amy more especially on the point "for things to be different you will have to act differently" but wanna supplement a few points:

- Does "still in love" mimic any of our behavior? Especially in "wanna have ex back but I don't want this emotional baggage in 2012"?  

- I do not have much to offer to "still in love". The way she signs off the letter says it all.

- All I can say is it is unrealistic to expect one person to change especially after going through what they go through (been together, break up + sleeping together). It is very easy for them to be back together but the BF remains unchanged - simply becoz she has made things too easy for him.

- Actually there is nothing wrong with the status quo, but "still in love" may have been expecting too much. And too much expectation = too much disappointment (or in her own terms "emotional baggage")

Seriously we girls can also have friends with benefits too - but only when we are able to maintain our level of expectation, in staying content with the benefit and not expecting too much.

My advice is it may be easier for her to work on someone else for a fruitful and healthy relationship instead of spending time with this friend with benefits and creating emotional baggage for herself. 

k   xoxo

We all deserved to be loved

Dear S, thanks for your feedback and it inspires me to write this blog post - "we all deserved to be loved"

To begin with, I think this is universally true - even for A hole! But a lot of times we tend to forget:

- It is a process to find the right person to fall in love with, it involves (1) time (2) effort (3) luck (4) faith

- Falling in love means open yourself and be vulnerable, and be ready to get hurt.

- Falling in love is easy but maintaining a relationship is another separate lifelong topic.

- Falling in love can be as easy as falling out of love. It takes far more to maintain the relationship - or put it this way, depends on what sort of relationship you are looking for.

So yes we all deserved to be loved, but before anything, make sure you ask yourself: are you ready to fall in love? Is he equally ready?


k   xoxo