Dearest E,
This is what I read from one of my favorite columnist "Ask Amy" from "Rejected in Chicago" today:
"Dear Amy: I am a 26 year old woman who has kissed many frogs, and by "many" I mean that every single guy I have been with is a frog.
I've been seeing a guy who I thought was the answer to my prayers. He said all the right things.
We became intimate on our third date, now I have heard nothing from him.
He texted me after he got home from our third date, but nothing after that/ I have tried contacting him twice (via text) since then, to no avail. It's been a few days since that third date. and I am asking your advice as to how I should move forward.
Should I keep trying to contact him, or just to move on?
Rejected in Chicago"
Why I am posting this? Because I saw myself in this story. I won't call the guys I was seeing as "frogs" (nor I do not understand why she did it) but what she encountered is definitely not something new, and I am sure it will happen to other girls too.
Let's hear what Amy said:
"Dear Rejected:
By "being intimate" I assume that you and Mr Frog had sex.
Being sexual with someone is not the route to intimacy that you seem to think it is. However it is the path most often taken by frogs.
If you had extended your conversation with this guy on that fateful third date, instead of having sex with him, you would have learned more about him and become more intimate. And you wouldn't be so reactive, needy and confused now.
If you are satisfied with occasional hookup, then keep doing what you're doing. But you are unhappy with your choices.
Rather than brand every man you date a frog, the most logical remedy is for you to change everything about your own behavior in this area of your life.
When you do that, you will draw a different kind of person toward you."
For me, Amy is kinda vague about her answer. But certainly some points are definitely true:
1. Some frogs tend to use sex to build intimacy, which leads girls to think or believe like that too.
2. However most of the times, we girls would like to have something more than sex. And that's the challenging part - striking a good balance of intimacy and when exactly to have sex.
3. I agree with Amy, it actually depends on what YOU want.
4. If a frog is focused on sex only, he will move on to another target if there is no sex happening.
5. If he sees building up intimacy more than sex, and sees you as a good candidate to build it up, he will invest time into this.
Nobody can tell exactly when to have sex or the intimacy level. It all depends on how you feel about yourself, how well you know about him, the communication between you two, what you would like to have from the relationship etc.
As for me, at age 26?? It is typical to go through what "rejected" is going through. It is the age of evolving. Nobody is born to be smart. It is all learn by experience.
Rejection hurts, nobody likes that. But like I said many times before, it is an inevitable part of dating / relationship.
Believe me, a lot of frogs at age 26 (or around that age) do tend to think sex comes first than anything else (or replace "work" with the word "sex"). Some guys evolve, and some do not. It is important to keep adjusting your own expectation too.
And what Amy said is so true - it also depends on where you are looking for frogs. Say for example assume you meet someone in clubbing / social parties, how would you expect him to build up intimacy via talking / texting?
Which is why always remember: whatever happens, yourself comes first. Love yourself more. When you have that belief built up, you will begin to have self-confidence in yourself, and tend to get less hurt by what happens.
k xoxo
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